Hey blog,
I was just checking my mail and accidently clicked the starred items. There I found everything I'd rather forget now. My lost love.

I know it has been over 2years since i started writing about him. The him who left me, the him who's happy now, the him i'm in love with. I don't like to use this word but honestly, he's the only guy i've ever nearly,almost or had fallen in love with.

The chat logs reminded me of the reasons why he's still the only guy after all he's done to me. He understood me, made me laugh, made me miss him unconciously and he was everything. I just realised it too late. I wish i had the chance to tell him what i feel about him because he's the only guy i think is worth it to tell.

Then i came across some of the chatlogs with my friend that fell in love with me.According to him. I told him I wasn't ready, he said he'd wait, so i siad what if after all those waiting, I still cant like you, he said he'd make me like him. He said he was so in lvoe with me that he feel as if he's gonna feel this forever. Relax my friend, i told you then too, forever is such a big word. And now you're happily taken by someone else. :)

And this other guy who used to go head over heels for me. Saying the same old story of him waiting for me until im ready and blah blah. Guys have too much drama going on. Somehow i knew from the start that they aint worth it. If they were they would be still in love with me now, like they told me. I'm not sad because they fell out of love with me but because they took away alll the hope and faith i had. My beliefs of me being someone worth fighting for and all. I'm still young, i'll meet more people. It didn't break me apart.

Thinking about them and their confessions to me, i came to think about how much i think about him every single day. Until now, I can't forget him. We were never together, he never told me he loved me, We were friends, i didnt know i was in love with him until a while ago. Love develops so unexpectedly that it surprises me. All along i believed that if i meet someone who treats me better than him, i'd forget this vague memory and get over this heartache, but i was wrong. Way wrong. Let the world tell me how stupid i am for thinking about him, but my heart won't change. My heart has always been there waiting for me to speak for it. I never did, I was always too late.

So long lost love, i have a feeling we are never going to be together.

For now, it's still you, like it has always been, I'm trying to replace you but you can't force a heart.

I hpe you well and your girlfriend too. be happy, i'm trying to be less of a loser by lessening the amount of things i tell people about you although everything still reminds me of you.

You never knew, i loved you, i still do.

This young love, this young heartache aint gonna break me.

i miss you,

till we meet again love,
pansy(:
jotted down by pikaidiota- on 6:05 AM