I didn't realise how close we grew and how I became fond of you. You are special, i understand you and you understand me. You've always asked me how I felt and thought about you. I never said anything, because I was not sure. I knew exactly what i thought about you but I was never sure if they're the right things to say to you. I never really knew the reasons why I was quite mean towards you and never said anything nice, but really I missed you when you never came online. But I kept denying it to myself. For the past few years i've known you, many thing have happened. I had several crushes and breakdowns troughout the years. I don't knwo why, but I felt comfortable telling you all these things because I feel like i've known you all my life. You gave me advice like a big brother and made my laugh like my friend. It helped, i was never really heart broken really. They're just crushes. But by then, you took this little part in my heart already, without me noticing it or i didn't want to.

Now for the first time, I want to write down what I've thought about you all along. At first, I thought you were just another guy from friendster that was trying to flirt with me and stuff. But no, i was very wrong. You were sincere in the way you talk and I felt connected, no wonder i enjoy talking to you so much, we flow.(: You were like my daily routine. You are mature yet lame just like me. You remember everything i ever said and i never appreciated it. You noticed things and you were honest. There were always something in the way you say somethings. Like there's a whole hidden story behind it, and i never bothered to find out. You're a nice guy really, nobody's perfect i know but you're the best i've met. I'm not talking about looks here, I'm talking about your heart and mind. That's my point of view, it maybe true, it maybe not be. No one knows. But there's one thing i'm sure of, i took advantage of you.

After sometime, I found out somethings. I knew why you wanted my email so badly and sent me songs now and then that carry similar meanings and why some of your words carry a hidden story. Right then, I started analysing everything you've said to me, and all the songs. I read through our chats a million times and i remember most things. Like how you've remembered all along. I denied anything that would make me feel attracted to you. So i take up all the coincidences, call it fate and pulled in somebody else but you into my heart time to time. It helped, nothing really surfaced in my heart then, when you were around. When you,somebody who cared for me was around.

It was when you left without a goodbye, that I started to realise things. I realised how you've became an important person in my life. I missed you very badly. I thought about you a lot, i only know. I can go on and on about this guy i like or that hot celebrity, but really at the end of the day, you're only there. Or when i listen to sad songs, your face appears and our vague memories. I don't like talking about you because it brings back memories I may never get back. I keep wondering about what wrong i did to make you cruelly leave me. I can't figure out why, no one could. All the crushes i've had during that time, I realised i was trying to replace you. I was trying to let them take your place in my heart that i never knew about. Several months ago, I decided to just stayed hooked with one guy. It helped for a moment bu t not for long. Even when I'm babbling about him, you're in my mind. People think I don't like you, but seriously it's been you all along. I don't really care what they say, because they've never been into my mind, they only listen to what i say, and i know what's going on in my mind the best. I believe in myself that I've realised that i've fallen for you. Finally.

I knew it for quite sometime, or probably since the day you left. With you, i'd be spectecular. You made me smile differently. I liked that smile on my face. People don't really like it when i talk about you, because they think you're never coming back. I think so too. Why? I've written you a comment which you havent replied. And the other day i sent you an email, and still no reply in my inbox. Unconciously, I'm waitng and waiting.

If you just reply to that letter, it would really clear up a lot of things for me. It would be easier to breathe and I won't think of you so much anymore. There was never a day, when I never thought about you. As I am writing this, our song is playing. I miss you, truely.

Even if you hate me jsut tell me Okay? If you don't want to talk to me after this it's fine too. I just want to know why.

Many think i'm wasting my time waiting for you. I'm not waiting for you to love me. That's for sure. I just want to know why, and that'll be enough for me to move on and let somebody else into my heart. Or let somebody else take your place when i hear sad songs. Because without that reason, I won't to know when to move on. Just help me with this.

But the probability of you not replying is more than half that i have plan B. I'll wait until a certain time, but when it reaches it and there is still no reply, I'll just let you go, and i'll write to you for one and all that if that's what you want, me out of your life, let it be. I can take it.

Whereever you are, I hope you are happy and making the right decisions. I hope you meet somebody very nice. I don't call this love, but I guess it's something close to it. I can feel it. We all hve our own little definition of love, and i guess you gave some meaning for it for me.

I miss you terribly. But i'm happy, and i'm not heart broken.

Love,

Pansy.

i have been away for far too long, i miss you.

It's not because i have nothing to say, i have so much, trust me.

it's just i do not have the time and was too bored to blog basically.

anyways, I'm at school suppose to be doing my F and N coursework, which im not. not in the mood.

Valentine's this saturday! and Ma phyo is coming to visit. woo hoo, cant wait to see her :)

i'm just gonna post some quotes i wrote during the time away from the blog. and plus some pictures of course. (:

"I wish we could have loved each other at the same time."