Tired day. But good to know that i passed Science. That is such a relief. (:
Don't feel like going to school tomorrow but i will for the sake of looking at Mr.Chiu getting the best hair award.haha,(:
Can i write a long post? I bet i can. So here goes.(:

Today, my english teacher read us a story. The title was "Reach for the flower". It's actually a children's book. And how do i know that? Because i read it last year around this time, at Kinokunia.(however you spell it.[:) For those of you, who knows my friendster, the book's is one of the pics. Since it was last year, i guess it's at the very end of my photo albums. =]

When i read it last year, i loved it, it somehow gave me hope. But i have long forgotten about it until today. Although it's a children's one, it carries such a deep meaning really. I recommend everyone to read it. It's short and enjoyable. :D

Anyways, after that Mr.Cher talked to us about love, life and la la. Somethings she said were quite true. It made me realise something.

Good times come and good times go just like that. Happy times will end, sad times may come, happy times may come back, they may not. My point here is simply that, nothing lasts forever. They just don't. So cherish those times you love while they last and when sad times come, look back at them and be happy that they once happened in your life. After all, memories are all that we can keep.

Today, surprisingly, the word "love" has been on my mind. I usually don't like to use it, since i seriously don't know what it's about.(: But I'm sure it's a feeling. Just like any other feeling, i believe love can fade away at some point or another. It's quite a destiny i must say if 2 strangers reach to "till death do us apart" stage. Maybe it's possible, i don't know. I'm not even in love yet, as far as i know. I do have a big obsession on someone right now. Obviously, but I'm not going to take that risk to say that I'm in love, just yet. Feelings are just temporary. Do they become permanent? Maybe they do, or maybe not. I have absolutely no idea.(:

I used to believe love existed. It was all because of these two couples around me. They seemed so perfect for each other. Don't usually get into fights, understand each other and care for each other. They were my ideal couple. If i had a boyfriend one day, i told myself, i'll definitely try to be like them. Oh one day i found out, their feelings just faded away. I was the saddest person, trust me. I kept asking myself, why why why?? One couple lasted for 4 miserable years and the other couple lasted for 2 miserable years. They seemed long enough for me to think that they are going to get married some day. But i guess they did not. I asked them why? I got 2 answers. One was "because the feelings just faded away pansy. It didn't feel like the early days of our relationship anymore." The other answer was "there were too much differences, it's better we live our own lives." Only then, i stopped believing in happily ever afters.

It's just a feeling after all. Life comes without guarantees. Yes, some lucky people are gifted with this thing called "true love". I'm not saying they don't exist. They do. It's just that, I'm not going to believe in it unless it really happened to me. Which i doubt it, very much.(:

Anyways, read that book. It really is nice.(:
And those of you who are in love right now, please don't get offended by me. :D Who knows your love might be the next thing that made me believe in love again.

Hey you,
I miss you. My feelings just might be temporary but I'm sure while it lasts, i'll love you like no one ever did. If only you knew. Why? Because you fascinate me,If only you knew.(:
Love,
me.

And yes, i used the word love finally. Let's hope he knows.(:

till then,
pansy(:
jotted down by pikaidiota- on 1:53 AM

Yayyyy i pass chem :D Although i didn't *score* i'm glad i passed for a paper i thought i failed. Now my only worry is physics. :S

Anyways i just got back a essay i wrote about a month ago. I don't know why but i like the way i wrote it so i'm going to post it here.(:


jotted down by pikaidiota- on 12:54 AM

Didn't go to school today. I woke up though but had a terrible headache so drank medicine and slept again. Now feeling much better.

I don't have much so say. No,actually i do. It's just that they never come out right. And i think i'm getting that love disease. and i don't like it.

Days without you. huuuuuu~

till then,
pansy(:
jotted down by pikaidiota- on 4:05 AM

jotted down by pikaidiota- on 9:04 AM

I Just need to save all my favorite quotes somewhere so that i can go back another time and look. Which would be a better place than my blog? It's gonna be one long post.:D

So here goes.(:

"Everyday, think as you wake up,
today I am fortunate to have woken up, I am alive,
I have a precious human life, I am not going to waste it.
I am going to use all my energies to develop myself,
to expand my heart out to others,
to achieve enlightenment for the benefit of all beings,
I am going to have kind thoughts towards others,
I am not going to get angry or think badly about others,
I am going to benefit others as much as I can."
-Dalai Lama

"Somehow it was as if I was being told about something wonderful, something
beautiful just waiting for me. All I had to do was wait long enough."

"You can reset it, and it heals, and you move on, but if you leave things messy, and things don't get put right, then it just hurts. forever."

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?"

"I have sometimes been wildly, despairingly,
acutely miserable, but through it all I still know
quite certainly that just to be alive is a grand thing."
-Agatha Christie

"I'd like to stay a secret, like walking in the dark.
If no one knows you, no one cares, so no one breaks your heart."

"Being lonely isn't the
worst feeling; it's
being forgotten by
someone you can never forget."

"My love for you grows, and it's starting to show.
Notice me please, I'm starting to get the love disease."

"i shouldn`t want you like this; yet i do, and i don`t know why."

"there`s no point in trying to talk to you. i`ve tried to have a conversation withh you.. but all that comes out is the empty feeling in my stomach & that makes me realize that you will never feel the same way about me, that i feel about you."

'You only get what you give away, so give love."
- Sara Bareilles

"I’m starting to crave new beginnings
brighter memories, and happy endings
I crave change."

"I believe the most difficult situation you can be ever be faced with is deciding whether you should just move on or hold on a little tighter. Move on, and maybe you'll lose a chance at the best thing that could have ever happened, or hold on, and have the possibility of one day being the biggest disaster ever created."

"Sometimes you meet someone,
and before you know their name,
before you know where their from,
you know that sometime in the future,
this person is going to mean something to you."

"What if the person you secretly loved,
tells you that he already found that special someone,
that he wants to spend forever with.
Would you be brave enought to ask him who it is?
Or bear the pain inside, not know it was you all along."

"Yes, she is fabulous and much more then
I will ever be, but shes fake. Cant you see, she loves
you for your looks,and I love you for your heart. Why won't you do the same for me?"

"its been days since i've seen you
hours since i've talked to you
minutes since i've heard your name
but yet, only a matter of seconds
since i've thought of you"

"& when I think about you I have to remind myself: if he wanted to talk to me, he would"

I'm quite hungry now so, bye bye.
till then,
pansy(:






jotted down by pikaidiota- on 9:11 PM

I just woke and watching "They kissed again". I couldn't fall asleep last night so watched movie until 6 in the morning and I slept. Enjoyable life again huh? lol

And what am i planning do to with my time today? Probably watch movie whole day, and sleep. :S
Maybe if i feel like it, a little revising on work won't hurt, since my finals are in 2months time.
hmmph, anyways i can tell today's going to be another boring day stuck in my living room.

Dear you,

I miss you.

Love,
me.

I got to get used to days without him. Even when he's here it's not like i see him everyday but at least i can talk to him. That's all i ask for.(:

anyways, gonna continue my movie. maybe i 'll blog later.

till then,
pansy(:


jotted down by pikaidiota- on 8:46 PM

Tired, and wants a long rest. I can barely open my eyes now, but I cant sleep either. Not a bad day, passed CA Emaths with very colourful colours and Amaths surprisingly passed since i assumed i failed. And guess what, I got higher marks than everyone except for one person. :s

Dear you,

I always say this and i'm gonna say it again, I'm going to miss you so much. It's not like i see you everydays anyways. The closet i get to you each day is through my computer screen and that's how far it's going to get i guess. Whatever, you're there, you talk to me, and i know you don't hate me so that's enough.

So long and be well. Enjoy and be safe.

Love,

me.









till then,

pansy
jotted down by pikaidiota- on 10:33 AM

Today was the last the of my exams. How happy can i get? Very happy. But tomorrow getting back the results already. arghh.

I'm tired and want to rest. I need a long rest. (:

You,
I'm gonna miss you so much. Please be back soon although i'm fine without you.(:

love,
me.

till then,
pansy(:
jotted down by pikaidiota- on 5:08 AM

Favourite quotes post [:

"Maybe not everything is supposed to last forever. Certain things are like, like sky writing, like a really beautiful thing that lasts for a couple moments and then - you know?"

"I have always been a Laugher, disturbing people who are not laughers, upsetting whole audiences at theatres... I laugh, that's all. I love to laugh. Laugher to me is being alive. I have had rotten times, and I have laughed through them. Even in the midst of the very worst times I have laughed."

"We're all damaged in our own way.
nobody's perfect. i think we are all
somewhat screwy, every single one of us." (johnny depp)

Edward Cullen - vampire boy quotes i love :D

"I hope you enjoy disappointment."

"I always say too much when I’m talking to you — that’s one of the problems."

"What if I’m not a superhero? What if I’m the bad guy?"

"It makes me… anxious… to be away from you."

"You take everything so coolly — it’s unnatural. It makes me wonder what you’re really thinking."

"Trust me just this once — you are the opposite of ordinary."

"So you never met anyone you wanted?"

"I told you — you don’t see yourself clearly at all. You’re not like anyone I’ve ever known. You fascinate me."

"People are predictable. But you… you never do what I expect. You always take me by surprise."

"Yes, you are exactly my brand of heroin."

"And so the lion fell in love with the lamb…"

"I don’t know how to be close to you. I don’t know if I can."

"I was curious about you."

"If I could dream at all, it would be about you. And I’m not ashamed of it."

"For almost ninety years I’ve walked among my kind, and yours… all the time thinking I was complete in myself, not realizing what I was seeking. And not finding anything, because you weren’t alive yet."

"Shall I explain how you are tempting me?"

"I love you. It’s a poor excuse for what I’m doing, but it’s still true."

"It was impossible… to stop. Impossible. But I did. I must love you."

"I’m not going anywhere. I’ll be right here as long as you need me."

okay that's all for now. and some of these goes out to you. [:

till then,
pansy(:
jotted down by pikaidiota- on 2:35 AM

Hello Blog, I'm back again.[:

Tomorrow is my last day of exams. Which means after that i will be the happiest person on earth. But, next week, the un-happiest person, because i'm getting back my results. Oh well, i gave it my best, and if i failed, i'll learn from it.[:

Anyways, Charles and Erni is right beside me. Charles is sleeping on Erni's lap and i was quite irritated by them today. But all because of Charles picking up that dead lizard from my kitchen, i'm not kicking him out. :D
So yeah, quite enjoyable huh? :P

Hey you,

I just wanted you to know that i miss you. And i will be missing you for the next few weeks but i can manage without you. Afterall i was fine on my own too.(:

You know, I've never met someone like you. You're quiet and that attracts me. But sometimes, too quiet and that makes me very upset somehow. I hate it when you make me speechless and even more when you go speechless.

All the guys i've met so far, aren't like you. They never caused holes in my heart like you do when you go speechless. Hmmph, i wonder why. And i never had that much experience before. No boyfriends, no nothing. I've had crushes. Lots of them but i was never that hooked on them. But i am onto you. So much(:

You're different. I love your smile, i love the way you walk, the way you write, the way you say my name, the way you talk, the way you do the things you do and most of all the way you make me love you. Every bit about you. All the flaws and holes. I don't mind.(:

I'm happy the way things are but sometimes when you go all silent and ignore me, it hurts. It really does. I just wanted to let you know.

Love,
me.

till then,
pansy(:




jotted down by pikaidiota- on 2:05 AM

And yet another obsession of mine. Eward Cullen the vampire from Twilight. Can't wait to see the movie and i'm definitely going to read all the books.

My obsessions change from time to time, but you, my soccer boy, will always be my everlasting obsession. :D

Not only you make me fall in love with you but you make me fall in love with every teeny tiny fact about you. And i don't mind. You're my vampire.(:

Oh well, going to continue having no life and youtube. lol

till then,
pansy(:
jotted down by pikaidiota- on 10:44 AM

How boring can today get for me? I decided not to go out since my exams start on Monday. Cooked fish, watched Princess hours again, studied a little and watched Myo Gyee's music videos over and over again. :D

So for today, that was it, nothing very exciting.(:

Anyways, i was just browsing through some quotes and came across some very nice one that i like so i'm going to make this post all about it.(:
enjoy :D

"I still panic sometimes, forget to breathe, bu ti know that there's something beautiful in my imperfections."

"In vain have i struggled. It will not do. My feelings iwll not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently i admire and love you." - Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austin

"Hello darkness, my old friend. I've come to talk with you again"

"The most important and intimate word you can say to somebody is goodbye"

"Once you choose hope, anything's possible." - Christopher Reeves

"I took a deep breath and let it go"

"The more i look around and listen, i realize i'm not alone. We're all facing choices that defines us. We all at our own age, have to claim something, even if it's only our own confusion. I'm in the middle of growing up and into myself"

"Follow small miracles"

"The possibility of possibility"

"And there's a light inside us all, I know."

&&my favorite of today.(:

"Be brave enough to live creatively. The creative is the place no one else has ever been. You have to leave your city of comfort and go into the wilderness of your intuition. You cannot get there by bus, only by hard work, risking and not quite knowing what you're doing. What you will discover will be wonderful; yourself"

till then,
pansy(:



jotted down by pikaidiota- on 4:44 AM

Today is a happy day. Why? Passed my Emaths with flying colours and i finally see his *haha :D*, as in him actually writing it and not me writing it just because i miss him. :)

See? how those simple little things can make my day so wonderful. It's all a matter of seeing the beauty in life.(:

Although the person i am now is the way i want it, I somehow miss the person i was back home. I miss my friends and those childhood times. I'm still young, but i miss those times when i was younger. I guess it works that way, we'll always have memories. Wether we like them or not. Me, i like memories, i do. I miss my friends back home i do. They probably think i don't but i do. They probably think i've forgotten abt them but i haven't. It's just i don't say it, oh well what can i do, memories are jsut memories. and what i have is the present. I'll just make the best out of it. For now, i just to focus on my exams next week. Other stuff set aside first.(:

And we can't always be happy but i will find my happiness somehow. We're all that we have. And nobody told me reality was easy so what i choose is what i get and i can accept that.

Till then,
pansy(:
jotted down by pikaidiota- on 8:34 AM

Today i saw a video that was so very touching and even made me weeped a little. About 3 months ago there was a terrible cyclone/flood/disaster thing that happened back home. Then i couldn't contact my my family for several days. I was so worried because they were all that i have and without them I'm nothing. Soon i find out all my family members are fine so i was relieved. However, many families lost their everything. Kids without parents, parents without kids, and so on. It such a tragedy really. Never in my life, did i ever thought I'd meet such thing.

Most of us think that our lives suck and whine too much and care too little. I don't blame them, we're just human beings afterall. Me, myself can be like that at times too. But what we don't notice is that there will always be things better and worse than us. For instance, speaking from my kiddish experience, i have always been sad because i missed home. I miss home for all of the wonderful things back there. My family, those trees and everything i grew up with. Why do i feel sad? Because those times spent there can never be relived again. It can be, but only for a short while. It's such a sad thing we need to leave what we want to get what we need. In my case, a qualification of some sort to lead my life in the future, comfortably. Anyways, my point is, there's nothing much to be sad about my situation after all. I'm not the only one that has left home to reach a better place. No, there are so many others doing the same as me. And, if i miss them, i can call them, and see them occasionally. At least i get to know if they're okay. But those people who has lost everything from the cyclone, can't. How can they be just sitting around missing those people they lost when it's a fight for survival for themselves. Compared to them, I am definitely better off. (:

Everyday, they live in hope for every tomorrow. All those things that we want, they can't even think about it when the necessities are not even fulfilled. I had forgotten about the cyclone for a while, until i saw that video today. Lately, I've been feeling down due to several reasons. And again, compared to them i'm so much better off. I'm sad because of the things i want but cant get. Namely, those moments back home, those people i've lost and you of course. But I can still dream, i have hope and probably a future ahead of me. Those people, they don't. I guess we all have our own destinies after all. We can't change it, but we all can make the best out of it. How can that be achieved? Through helping hands. In one way or another we all should help and think about what will happen to us if we were ever in their position. Will we ever last till now? Who knows.

Lately, i've been trying to find reasons to make myself happy and to keep on having hope. A few days ago, i met a blind man with a guitar at the bus interchange. He has always been there, i just never payed attention to him. But that day, i did. As i walked pass him, a very beautiful melody started playing and later follows his beautiful voice. It suddenly made me stop walking and i listened to him finish the song. When the song was over, i realized it was just a beautiful melody afterall. Things don't always last, we just need to learn to cherish it while it does. We can't always be happy, we just need to go with the flow. If a blind man can see the beauty in life, why can't I? If those people can live through each and everyday to the fullest, why can't I? If they can go on living without the hope of seeing their loved ones again, why can't I? And if, they can take their destiny's cruelty, why cant i take it when you ignore me? At least, i still know you're there.(:

I feel so much better now.

Thanks you, for somehow letting me know about that video. It wasn't purposely meant for me, I know, but it helped.

Be happy,
me.

and till then,
pansy(:

jotted down by pikaidiota- on 6:38 AM

You seem a little different. Did you find out about how i feel about you? or you just don't want to talk to me anymore? If you don't want to talk to me, just block me, it hurts too much seeing you there ignoring me.

Not a very bad day apart from the him ignoring me part. Well what can i say, we never get what we want. We're also not appreciated for all the good things we've done. I guess human beings are built that way, just to care about themselves and their loved ones. Maybe i am like that too sometimes, but i don't want to be. I'm just a human afterall(:


jotted down by pikaidiota- on 9:51 AM

jotted down by pikaidiota- on 1:06 AM

I had to write this down or else, i'll blow up of embarressment. Earlier tonight i said something ot him but he ignored it for the very first time. So it just turned my whole word upside down. Yes he has that effect on me.(:

Then as i was writing something on my custom message "Today is the worst day of my life. You ignored me.:(", he talked to me. Arghhhh, did he know i was writing that to him'? Has he found out i like him? The thoughts blew up all the cells in me.

Dear you,

Please stop blowing up cells in me i really cant take it.(:

Love you always,
me.

I should probably sleep now.

till then,
pansy(:
jotted down by pikaidiota- on 10:46 AM

My friends usually get confused between these 2 guys in my life. Even i do sometimes but i sure know what's the truth. To clear my head, my mind, and soul let me write this down in words cause' they will never come out of my mouth.Anyways, something is better than nothing aint it?

Well, one of the guy i've been mentioning about is the person i'm in "like" with.(: I don't like to use the word "love" that's all. The other person was just my friend whom i miss so much for i have lost him. He's very much alive but i guess he don't want me anymore.(:

But it sucks that these 2 person know each other. It's harder, you have no idea. If only things went the other way. Arghhh, i'm gonna stop i cant take it anymore.

This song is dedicated to my one and only misfit kid(i just like to call im that.(:)

this is only a part of the song by Marie Digby - Stupid for you

The proper thing to do

Is for me to act like a lady

and wait For you to make the first move

But I don't think you're getting the point

That it's you - that I want

I don't care if I act a fool

till then,

pansy(:

jotted down by pikaidiota- on 9:07 PM

jotted down by pikaidiota- on 7:15 PM

Had a very tiring day today. Met up with Gu Gue finally, and i managed to stay without going online for 5 days. Which meant i didnt see him for 5 days. But it's okay, as long as he's there, i'm happy. I don't really expect anything because we never get what we want actually. That has been proven to me so many times. People misunderstand each other and we try to figure out what the other person's thinking but we can't. And, we never will.



Now it 3:33AM, according to my watch. And again, i should be sleeping because i'll be waking up agian in about 4 hours. No school, but have to follow Gu Gue's school to help her carry those "stuff". I'm going to sleep after writing this actually. Just wrote a poem sorta thing earlier this week since i was so bored at school. Like i had nothing to do.



So here it is, (:

jotted down by pikaidiota- on 12:29 PM