And today, the extra classes officially ended for me. YAAAAAAYYYYYYY! but but I should still study. I will, but I want to blog right now.I haven't let out my feeling in long long long blog posts in awhile so I'm going to do that. Don't continue reading because you probably might get bored. I just need to write it somewhere. And writing it on microsoftwords doesn't help for some reason so i'm doing it here.(:
it's mostly about him when i want to write long long posts. And this is one of them. It's been 2 years since i last saw or heard from you. There was never a single day that I never think about you. When i wake up, you might not be the first thing on my mind but i do think of you in the morning, afternoon, evening and especially at night time. When i'm all alone and feel the emptiness within me.
I feel more lonely becuase firstly, I'm away from my family and secondly you. You made me feel like I was safe and protected. The kind of feeling that i get when I'm with my family. I like that feeling, i miss that feeling. By now, you might think I'm getting used to being away from you. You know what, i've always been fine, I see the best in everything but just sometimes it gets real hard. It gets hard to wake up in the morning when I can't fall asleep at night because I dream of you when I'm not even asleep. I see your stupid face everywhere I look. My playlists keep playing songs that remind me of you. I hear you calling my name. Whenever someone calls me from the back, I turn back hoping you'd be there while I know best that you ain't gonna be there.
i don't know, maybe i enjoy being lonely. I'd rather be lonely than be with anyone but you right now. Nobody has ever tried to know me like you did. i don't fall in love easily. i like people i do. I haven't given up on love yet, trust me. It's still too damn early. It's just, i need to fall out of love with you. I need you to tell me "i love you", "i hate you", "it's okay, move on" or something that will help me find my way back. I just need someone to find me when i'm lost. i thought that'd be you but you yourself is lost. I just really need to move on. I'm getting tired of pretending to be fine. Because i can't get you out of my mind and i wnat to call you mine. I still feel the same about you. But I don't want it to stay this way. I need a signal, anything so that i can do something about it and not be stuck here.
I need you to know, the sky's still blue, the grass's still green, the desserts are still dry and that my love is still very much alive. Please show up somewehre infront of me anything anywhere, after you make up your mind and when you're ready to tell me all the reasons so that i can move on with life alone or with you.
No matter what, I'll always remember you. But I need to move on. It can't carry on like this. I want to fall in love with someone other than you freely. I do. I want to fall in love with my mind clear. I want to stop pretending i like every hot guy i see. Because the truth is, it's still you. After a while, i start comparing you with everyone. You just bring out the real me although i don't knwo who it is. And i want to meet someone who makes me feel that way again.
I wish you find people who loves you for you and I hope I can move on real soon. I don't mind people calling me a loser for waiting for you. I've stop pretending to be in loev with other people a long time ago. Because, I'm not going to lie to myself. You're still the closest I have to love.
Be happy, i wish you luck and please talk to me asap. I relaly want to move on.
Till then,
pansy(:
jotted down by pikaidiota- on 9:42 AM