I did not fall in love with you, thank god. I never planned to but just saw it coming several times. Now i realise that I was just trying to make myself fall in love with you. I was forcing myself. I really liked you, so I thought you could fill in the void. Wrong answer again. I keep choosing guys to replace him, your precious friend who decided not to talk to me anymore. When I talk, write or even think about you, he kept popping up in my head and it's very annoying. I kept denying it for a long time and kind of used you to fill in his place. It didn't really help since I still think of him, and everything reminds me of him. People say I change very fast . Honestly, I just try to potray that image.And some say that's why I don't have a boyfriend. Seriously, do they really think I'm so desperate for a boyfriend that's why I would go la la for random guys? HECK NO! Everyone can date very easily. But i'm not looking for a boyfriend, thank you.(: It has been him all along, since i've met him. My stupid pride kept denying it and things truned out this way. But I still don't know why he left me. Do you? Anyways, I just wanted to say thanks for giving me a brief taste of happiness but it's just that i'm happier even when i just htink about him no matter how much it's hurting me. I liked you alot but nothing relaly sparks in me when i think of you most of the time. Maybe fake sparks. So this is the extent i can lie to myself. I'm a little bit old fashioned and I want my first boyfriend to be someone special and not some random guy. and right now i want my so called first love to be him. Becuase he's the closest i have to love.(:
Now i won't be awkward with you anymore. :D
Love,
me.
jotted down by pikaidiota- on 1:50 PM
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
It's a great thing that i met you. It's a special feeling how i know the way you talk to me is different. It's amazing how you still make me happy despite the fact that you left me. And it's sad to say that you're the closest to love.(:
I'm glad you're fine. I want to tell you that i miss you. I want to tell you how many guys i've tried to crush on. I want to tell you how many times i 've tried to fall in love. I want to tell you how i try to find you in everyone. I want to tell you how i think of you every single day. I want to tell you how your face keeps popping up in my head.
I'm hurt, I'm sad, my heart's kind of breaking. Love? overrated bullshit.
till then, pansy(: jotted down by pikaidiota- on 8:17 AM
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Things that happened during March Holidays: 1)I turned 16 2)I started playing the guitar 3)I went to kota tingi 4)I got surprising presents. heartbreaking yet surprising(: 5)slumdog millionaire rocks. 6)Met my sister again.
That's basically what i've been up to. Had a great birthday. Thanks everyone for wishing me a happy birthday. Especially my drama crew for singing that off tune birthday song.haha.loved it(:
and Kalay for playing the birthday song with your guitar.
I'm having a bad menstrual pain now, been having it all day long. so im not going to school tomorrow. ms. pow's gonna kill me.
anyways, gonna submit some pic in deviantart. so do check them out.(:
till then, pansy(: jotted down by pikaidiota- on 10:32 AM
Friday, March 13, 2009
Last last night, i wrote a really long post and somehow it disappeared. Urghh.
So anyways, I woke up at 830 today so obviously did not make it to school. I'm trying to think of some reason to tell ms. pow in case she still remembers it after the holidays. :S
IP was somehow wierd for me. Especially when Mr.chiu decides to tell a teacher i like him. His name is Mr.Tan and he teaches Social Studies. I like the way he looks and thats all. BUT somehow mr.chiu thinks i like him and it was my mistake to ask his name to mr.chiu. -_-
That day started of nicely the day we went hiking. Hot aussie trainers were there and i was enjoying it. Until mr.chiu brings along mr.tan and told me my wish came true right infront of him! FREAK!!! I was freaking out, and all red. Mr.tan was going to be the in charge for the hiking day. Mixed feeling right there.
Mr. chiu kept saying "pansy's from myanmar and you can ask her anything" " pansy's the most excitted to go on this trip" right in front of Mr.tan.and he probably thinks i like him.
Oh well, i kind of enjoyed the day. Mr.tan only knew my name and he kept talking to me so it was very fun :D Some people(not mentioning names) tried to flirt with him but he did not care. But he still talks to me. LA LA LA ¬
The day ended and i kind of like him more than the looks. I mean, the way he talks is quite attractive and when he starts talking about social studies or even Geography, i can melt i tell. Seriously.
At least, i have something to do now at school. It'll definitely help me get over some stuff and help me not to think about some things. (:
"But honestly, until now, i haven't found anything better to replace you. And i hate it."
till then,
pansy(:
jotted down by pikaidiota- on 12:59 AM
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Hello :D
All the 4E non-mothertongue students went newspaper collection with the Sec 3s so that's what i did. I kinda enjoyed it and i got CIP points so it all greatttttttttttttt!!! :D
Anyywayys, tomorrow is hiking day and stuff for geography. I changed my blogskin, finally and im still to bored to put int he rest of the codes so my page is gonna look blank for a bit. lol
I want to sleep so yeah, BUH BYES :D
till then,
pansy(: jotted down by pikaidiota- on 4:56 AM
Monday, March 9, 2009
"I still miss you and that's okay"
Unless I fall in love, I won't get over you. But i miss you and that's okay. everything gets better with time. But it's been 1 year and some months now you-freaking-cruel-bastard-whom-i-can-never-hate-so-i-become-the-loser-that-wants-something-she-cant-have. (:
Today i was sick so went to see the doctor and met a very very hot one. And look at our conversation.
Dr: So what's wrong?
Me: I have menstrual pain.
Dr: Which day of your mens period was today?
Me:*making up something cause i was having a migraine.* umm 2nd day?
Dr: Normal flow?
Me: yeah *akward*
Dr: so where does it hurt?
I showed him where and he was POKING MY STOMACH. WTF!!!
LOL.
anyway gonna sleep coz im gonna go to skl tmr. (:
till then,
pansy(:
jotted down by pikaidiota- on 9:30 AM
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Lesly Roy - Unbeautiful
That day when i was thinking about you, my sister out of all people showed me this song. This is another song that says everything on my mind right now. And it's gonna be another song when i'm gonna think of you whenever i hear it. But with each day, i'll getting over you a little and a little. It's now a little easier for me to move on when i know you obviously don't want me in your life.
And here are some more quotes when i'm trying to get over you.
i feel pathetic for still wanting you,but its your faultyou shouldn't have made those promisesyou shouldn't have disappeared on me.
AND i wrote this.(:
"I think i can get over you,and move on. I know i can love someone else as much as i loved you or even more. I can tell I'm going to be happy. But one thing for sure is that I'll never forget you. You'll always be there in one corner of my heart. That's who you are to me."
I managed to pass all my subjects except English and probably F&N since i maybe getting my paper back only tomorrow. I'm happy.(:
I don't have much to say. I'm tired and i'm sick.
Till then,
Pansy(:
jotted down by pikaidiota- on 4:47 AM
Monday, March 2, 2009
It's been about a week since i sent you that letter. No reply, i knew it since the day i sent it but still what am i supposed to do?
I'm in such a loser position to send you that letter but i don't care. Because I want to know it. For the first time in my life, I went broke through the walls that hid me away from the things that i desire and did it. I'm not waiting for you to love me and I know you don't want me in your life so i will still miss you but i'm letting you go.
If one day we were to meet again, i'll just smile and wait for your reply but i'll not be the one saying hello.
So anyways, I want to post some quotes that i can really relate to now.
"it's gonna take some time,actually it's gonna take a lotof time, but i'm going toget over you. i could neverforget you; but i will get overyou. and when i finally do,you better not come back to me."
"I understand you've moved on, trust me, I know. So just turn your head when you see me and look past my heart and my feelings, because they're not gonna turn away from you anytime soon."
"See, there is a feeling inside that says I don't want you to be better off without me"
"It’s funny how we have no trouble pouring out on feelings on the computerBaring our souls to complete strangersBut when it comes to telling how you really feelTo the people that matter most the words can’t come out.And there you stand wondering what could’ve been."
"Today was just one of those days where everything I did reminded me of you and every song I heard somehow related to you. I hate days like today, because they remind me of the one thing that I don't have... you."
"I can't stop thinking about what would have happened if we hadn't given up on each other"
AND this came from deep within me,
"Honestly, no words can ever explain it. I just felt it. And no, you don't know because you probably never looked at anybody the way i did. Or you're just pretending becuase we're better off without each other."
