I'm going back to Myanmar tomorrow and I'll be away for about 2months. I'm happy and sad at the same time. Happy because i'll be spending time with my family a lot and sad because I'm leaving behind some people i love here in Singapre. I'll see them again but i'll miss them so much.
Anyways, i'm gonna have fun. and hopefully get my camrea soon. woo hoo :D
and looking forward to the trip with my mom and dad to BKK. and i hope my mom's medical stuff goes well :D
Dear you, I'm gonna miss you.
Love me.
jotted down by pikaidiota- on 8:54 AM
Friday, October 31, 2008
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
So this is my plan,
I won't talk to you.
I'll try not to talk about you.
I know I can't hate you so I'll just try not to love you.
I know I'm still very obsessed so I'll try not follow you.
I could, but i won't.
I want to, but i won't.
This is my sacrifice.
I don't want you to love me because i loved you.
If you ever fell in love with me,
I just want it to be simply because you fell for me yourself.
But i don't see that coming soon.
I'd rather want you to not want me for who I am,
then you with me for who i am not.
So this is my sacrifice I'm willing to take.
I'll hold back,
I'll fight this temptation,
All because i don't want to fall too deep this time.
jotted down by pikaidiota- on 9:39 AM
Sunday, October 26, 2008
Don't give me a hope,
When you can't cope.
You poke holes in my heart,
And i just want to say please don't.
I promised myself,
That I'll never let you take over me.
I promised myself,
That I won't talk about you when it's not necessary.
I promised myself,
That I won't talk to you on purpose.
But again,
These promises i always break.
I can't stay mad at you,
because you always knew that right words to say.
and i don't think i can hate you in anyway. (:
jotted down by pikaidiota- on 10:40 AM
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
How time flies. It's like my first day of Sec 3 was yesterday. Sigh, good and bad memories through this school year that i will remember. And hopefully all my classmates will be in my class again next year. :)
Anyways, I've been a total pig lately. I'm half the day on the bed. I seriously should get out.
Last night, I had one of those happy moments i'll always remember.
Anyways, I've been a total pig lately. I'm half the day on the bed. I seriously should get out.
Last night, I had one of those happy moments i'll always remember.
Hey you,
Last Saturday, I had this awkward moment with you. I was so embarrassed, I didn't know how to start a conversation with you again. And as expected I thought you really hated me then. Like always a bad dream follows. But then surprisingly, the next day after that oh so bad dream, it was one of the best dream i had about you. Seriously, It felt so real and i can't help but smile when i think about it.
So last night, I made up all my courage to start a conversation with you that didn' t sound so awkward but casual. And as always, it worked. yayyy :D
There this part of you that i'm very attracted. This part of you that knows how to go with the flow. Most guys, they don't know how to flow with the way i talk and all. So i usually get annoyed by them and stuff. But with you, how can i get tired of you? You know just the right words to say. Just the right words to bring this awkard yet happy smile on my face. :)
I'm happy with the way we talk and everything and i'm happy with what we are now. I guess we are friends right? But sometimes, being a girl, i can't help but wonder if you'll ever feel the same about me. Sometimes i wonder if you are also this shy person like i am. Strong on the outside, fragile in the inside. I don't really know, but i'm trying to.
I don't expect anything from you but sometimes you give me too much hope. Seriously. I've been noticing your custom message for a week or two now. When we didn't talk for one day you wrote "It hurts", the second day we didnt talk you wrote "it hurts more" and on the third day "you wrote it hurts even more". So i talked to you, and your custom message suddenly changes to something else. Should i wonder something? I don't know. Then again this week, you did the same thing, it's just that we only didnt talk for 2 days, So yesterday i talked to you and guess what, you changed it again. I don't know if it's just pure coincidence or not but this is too much for a girl like me who thinks a lot. Don't do that, really. It's like you're poking holes in my heart.
Then there's one more thing that i hate and love at the same time about you. All the songs you share with me. They're all nice yet carry a message. I wish you'd mean everything those songs were telling me but at the same time, i know you're only showing it to me because they are good but not because of it's lyrics. But sometimes really, the songs makes me think too much. Stop it please.
Lastly, if you're not going to ask me out or anything, don't give hints or anything that might make me get to that subject.
But really, i always hope there's something more you'd say to me.
Love,
me.
Last Saturday, I had this awkward moment with you. I was so embarrassed, I didn't know how to start a conversation with you again. And as expected I thought you really hated me then. Like always a bad dream follows. But then surprisingly, the next day after that oh so bad dream, it was one of the best dream i had about you. Seriously, It felt so real and i can't help but smile when i think about it.
So last night, I made up all my courage to start a conversation with you that didn' t sound so awkward but casual. And as always, it worked. yayyy :D
There this part of you that i'm very attracted. This part of you that knows how to go with the flow. Most guys, they don't know how to flow with the way i talk and all. So i usually get annoyed by them and stuff. But with you, how can i get tired of you? You know just the right words to say. Just the right words to bring this awkard yet happy smile on my face. :)
I'm happy with the way we talk and everything and i'm happy with what we are now. I guess we are friends right? But sometimes, being a girl, i can't help but wonder if you'll ever feel the same about me. Sometimes i wonder if you are also this shy person like i am. Strong on the outside, fragile in the inside. I don't really know, but i'm trying to.
I don't expect anything from you but sometimes you give me too much hope. Seriously. I've been noticing your custom message for a week or two now. When we didn't talk for one day you wrote "It hurts", the second day we didnt talk you wrote "it hurts more" and on the third day "you wrote it hurts even more". So i talked to you, and your custom message suddenly changes to something else. Should i wonder something? I don't know. Then again this week, you did the same thing, it's just that we only didnt talk for 2 days, So yesterday i talked to you and guess what, you changed it again. I don't know if it's just pure coincidence or not but this is too much for a girl like me who thinks a lot. Don't do that, really. It's like you're poking holes in my heart.
Then there's one more thing that i hate and love at the same time about you. All the songs you share with me. They're all nice yet carry a message. I wish you'd mean everything those songs were telling me but at the same time, i know you're only showing it to me because they are good but not because of it's lyrics. But sometimes really, the songs makes me think too much. Stop it please.
Lastly, if you're not going to ask me out or anything, don't give hints or anything that might make me get to that subject.
But really, i always hope there's something more you'd say to me.
With each day,
With each word that comes from you,
With each little fact i get to know about you,
With each thoughts about you,
With each twisted fate,
My love for you grows.
I've wonder how to melt your heart of stone,
I know I'm far from perfect,
And I know i'm not the kind of girl you want,
But is it wrong that you're all that i want?
With each word that comes from you,
With each little fact i get to know about you,
With each thoughts about you,
With each twisted fate,
My love for you grows.
I've wonder how to melt your heart of stone,
I know I'm far from perfect,
And I know i'm not the kind of girl you want,
But is it wrong that you're all that i want?
Love,
me.
jotted down by pikaidiota- on 11:50 PM
Monday, October 20, 2008
Dancing butterflies in my stomach,
My heart skipping its beat.
Why? Why do you do this to me?
You, my one and only you.
You are just another person,
yet so different.
I feel like i know you,
yet i feel like i don't.
It seems like you feel the same at times,
yet i can never be sure.
Why? Why do you do this to me?
You, my one and only you.
You won't know how your simple 'hello'
makes my day so beautiful.
You won't know how your silence
drives me insane.
You won't know how your voice
stays forever in my head.
You won't know how my friends can already be your best friend
because you're always in our conversations.
Why? Why do you do this to me?
You, my one and only you.
I think you know how i feel
but i dare not ask.
I always hope you'd say something more
but all i could say was goodbye.
I wish you'd look into my eyes
and knew exactly what i want to say.
But i guess this is too much to ask for
and i hope i had to courage to say.
"It's always been you.
I dream about you.
I constantly annoy people talking about you.
I can't help but notice everything that has to do with you.
I've embarrassed myself infront of you.
I wish i wasn't so tempted by you.
I can go on and on.
But it'll be about you
and how I'm stalking you.
No, I'm just kidding.
So now is the part where i say,
I'm going crazy over you."
I know i'll never say it.
NO, not even close.
I know you'd think i'm a freak.
But I don't really care.
Coz i just want you to see the real me.
Whether you like it or not.
I know we cant force a person's heart.
So all i can do is hope for the day.
The day you'll see how much i care about you.
The day you realie how much i love you and
the day you'll fall in love with me too.
I hope this dream comes trues. :)
My heart skipping its beat.
Why? Why do you do this to me?
You, my one and only you.
You are just another person,
yet so different.
I feel like i know you,
yet i feel like i don't.
It seems like you feel the same at times,
yet i can never be sure.
Why? Why do you do this to me?
You, my one and only you.
You won't know how your simple 'hello'
makes my day so beautiful.
You won't know how your silence
drives me insane.
You won't know how your voice
stays forever in my head.
You won't know how my friends can already be your best friend
because you're always in our conversations.
Why? Why do you do this to me?
You, my one and only you.
I think you know how i feel
but i dare not ask.
I always hope you'd say something more
but all i could say was goodbye.
I wish you'd look into my eyes
and knew exactly what i want to say.
But i guess this is too much to ask for
and i hope i had to courage to say.
"It's always been you.
I dream about you.
I constantly annoy people talking about you.
I can't help but notice everything that has to do with you.
I've embarrassed myself infront of you.
I wish i wasn't so tempted by you.
I can go on and on.
But it'll be about you
and how I'm stalking you.
No, I'm just kidding.
So now is the part where i say,
I'm going crazy over you."
I know i'll never say it.
NO, not even close.
I know you'd think i'm a freak.
But I don't really care.
Coz i just want you to see the real me.
Whether you like it or not.
I know we cant force a person's heart.
So all i can do is hope for the day.
The day you'll see how much i care about you.
The day you realie how much i love you and
the day you'll fall in love with me too.
I hope this dream comes trues. :)
jotted down by pikaidiota- on 8:26 AM
Sunday, October 19, 2008
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When i hear your voice,
I am helpless.
When i see your face,
I am hopeless.
When i try to make the first move,
I am useless.
When i want to say i love you,
I am speechless.
I am helpless.
When i see your face,
I am hopeless.
When i try to make the first move,
I am useless.
When i want to say i love you,
I am speechless.
jotted down by pikaidiota- on 9:10 AM
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
dear friend i haven't heard from you in ages
i wonder how you're making out
last time we talked i felt the space growing
between us
i didn't think you'd go so far
tell me how could you just vanish
without giving me any reasons
what were you thinking
and does this all make sense to you?
it's hard when you dont say anything
when i gave you everything
and still you slip right through my fingers
its hard when you dont say anything
is this how you finish things?
because to me, this doesn't feel like the end.. dear friend
it's not like me to put my trust in somebody
but to you i gave it all
and if you'd asked me i would soften all your falls
but now it's me who's stumbling
tell me how could you just vanish
without giving me any reasons
what were you thinking?
and does this all make sense to you?
its hard when you dont say anything
when i gave you everything
and still you slip right through my fingers
it's hard when you don't say anything
is this how you finish things
cause to me this doesn't feel like the end... dear friend..
i wonder how you're making out
last time we talked i felt the space growing
between us
i didn't think you'd go so far
tell me how could you just vanish
without giving me any reasons
what were you thinking
and does this all make sense to you?
it's hard when you dont say anything
when i gave you everything
and still you slip right through my fingers
its hard when you dont say anything
is this how you finish things?
because to me, this doesn't feel like the end.. dear friend
it's not like me to put my trust in somebody
but to you i gave it all
and if you'd asked me i would soften all your falls
but now it's me who's stumbling
tell me how could you just vanish
without giving me any reasons
what were you thinking?
and does this all make sense to you?
its hard when you dont say anything
when i gave you everything
and still you slip right through my fingers
it's hard when you don't say anything
is this how you finish things
cause to me this doesn't feel like the end... dear friend..
So i found this song called Dear friend by Marie Digby. It's a nice song and it means a lot to me. Sometimes, some parts of a song means exactly what i want to say to my "friend" that left without a goodbye. But this song, IT'S EVERYTHING I WANT TO SAY TO HIM. so yeah, i hope he could see this.
Anyways, EXAMS are officially over. :D
Permed my hair today. I'm looking weird but i think i'll get used to it? :S
lol anyways, went out with warisa tommy and paulus yesterday. Had a great time and bought new moon and eclispe :D
Gonna read now. yayy :D
till then,
pansy(:
Anyways, EXAMS are officially over. :D
Permed my hair today. I'm looking weird but i think i'll get used to it? :S
lol anyways, went out with warisa tommy and paulus yesterday. Had a great time and bought new moon and eclispe :D
Gonna read now. yayy :D
till then,
pansy(:
jotted down by pikaidiota- on 6:06 AM
Monday, October 13, 2008
One more day to go, woo hoo :D
I spent half the day youtubing big bang videos and i found this very entertaining one. They were acting out these funny parts from coffee prince. So very funny. Watch it. lol
I love big bang :D
so long,
pansy(:
jotted down by pikaidiota- on 12:23 AM
I spent half the day youtubing big bang videos and i found this very entertaining one. They were acting out these funny parts from coffee prince. So very funny. Watch it. lol
I love big bang :D
so long,
pansy(:
jotted down by pikaidiota- on 12:23 AM
Sunday, October 12, 2008
Finally you're back and i am myself again. When you were away, it felt like i was not myself. But you're back and i cant be happier. I saw your new pictures and oh boy how they make me smile to see your happy face. Now you're just trying to make me more tempted. Sigh.
Yesterday, it was just a normal day. I was taking a break from studying and watched some youtube videos. Then suddenly, I missed you, so i changed my display picture to Juno, and on my personal message i wrote *it started with Juno*. And right then, you just had to came online. Great timing -_-
So anyways, as i saw a green dot right beside your name. Butterflies were already dancing around in my stomach, my mind flipped and my heart stopped for a second. I could not breathe. I haven't seen you for a long time, it gave me a shock. I wonder what i'd do if i actually saw you in person. I can only imagine.
I kept staring at your name online on my screen. Your photos in my background, the song playing in my ears and trying to thing to start of the conversation with. I tried so hard to stop myself from telling you how much i've missed you. I know it would be inappropriate since we are not in any kind of relationship to miss each other. So I kept looking at your camera face and having this weird smile on my face. Gue told me we had the same camera look. I wonder how we'd look together. :)
But as the night grew, and your status turned red, i thought i lost my chance of talking to you. Until, you suddenly talked to me. This time you stared, i didnt. I love this part of you that gives me surprises and makes me smile. See how easy it is to make me happy? :)
And little miss sunshine is the second movie i'll always remember.
Love,
me.
Yesterday, it was just a normal day. I was taking a break from studying and watched some youtube videos. Then suddenly, I missed you, so i changed my display picture to Juno, and on my personal message i wrote *it started with Juno*. And right then, you just had to came online. Great timing -_-
So anyways, as i saw a green dot right beside your name. Butterflies were already dancing around in my stomach, my mind flipped and my heart stopped for a second. I could not breathe. I haven't seen you for a long time, it gave me a shock. I wonder what i'd do if i actually saw you in person. I can only imagine.
I kept staring at your name online on my screen. Your photos in my background, the song playing in my ears and trying to thing to start of the conversation with. I tried so hard to stop myself from telling you how much i've missed you. I know it would be inappropriate since we are not in any kind of relationship to miss each other. So I kept looking at your camera face and having this weird smile on my face. Gue told me we had the same camera look. I wonder how we'd look together. :)
But as the night grew, and your status turned red, i thought i lost my chance of talking to you. Until, you suddenly talked to me. This time you stared, i didnt. I love this part of you that gives me surprises and makes me smile. See how easy it is to make me happy? :)
And little miss sunshine is the second movie i'll always remember.
Love,
me.
jotted down by pikaidiota- on 2:09 AM
Saturday, October 11, 2008
Humans amaze me. Seriously. There are so many reasons why humans amaze me but I'm just going to touch on one point today.Things that humans want. And let the "model" human be me.:)
Humans will always have things they want. Mostly they are non-living things. Such as the latest phone model or the latest whatever. I have them too. Lately i've been waiting for my Canon D60. :)
Sometimes, humans, being the amazing living things they are, they desire something more than those non-living things that everyone wants. Some may desire love, revenge, care, kindness, a boyfriend, kids, husband, wife and etc. The list goes on. I've learn something, human beings are selfish creatures. Some maybe more selfish while some may be less. But they are all selfish creatures, in different ways. Sometimes selfish doesn't always mean bad. We're all just built this way. When you want a boyfriend for example, you're being selfish. The reason is simply because *you* somebody to talk to, *you* want somebody that cares about *you*, *you* want somebody that loves *you*. It's just you you and you. But there's always a give and a take in a healthy relationship so when one person is taking advantage of the other person, the relationship might not really work in most cases.
Back to me, I have a weird/impossible list of wants. Firstly and very badly, i want him. That's not very weird or impossible because at least i know him right? (:
Then i have this huge gigantic obsessions for hot guys in dramas, movies and even books. I tend to fall in love with these characters for the things they say or do in the movies. And yes also because of the way they look. Very huge part. People are selfish in different areas. In my case, I'm selfish in the part where I want somebody who's like those guys I'm obsessed with. This is not a healthy obsession. It's simply because i know i'll never have them but still i long for them. I spend long hours looking at their photos and movies and i even read news about them. The worst part is that i know i will never have anything like them, ever. It's like when we write essays or compos. The grammer may be perfect but if you are writing out of point, what's the use? Similarly, I'm doing everything i can to know about them, but at the end what do i end up with? Disappointments. I should not be took hooked on to this. I should just remember that they are jsut acting out what's on the script, They aren't really like that in reality. Watching them makes me smile and kind of gets my mind off somethings i don't want to think about. It takes me away from reality for a while and i need that sometimes. We all have some kind of drama in our lives. Let it be between families,friends or lovers. But somethings, we can do nothing about but just live with that fact forever. It's a real bad feeling. So an escape from reality by drooling over a hot tv character askign for much? I don't think so. ;)
But what can i do, this is what i love to do and this is what makes me both happy and sad. If i want that happiness, i must be willing to take the consequences that follows. Which in my case the consequences are the never ever fulfilled dream of mine. But someday, i hope i fall in love. Just so that i will stop this obsession. When i mean fall in love, it's when both the guy and the girl are in love with each other. I'm not talking about one sided love. So until then, i'll just continue my miserable days being obsessed with living things i can never get. It's worse than wanting a non living thing.
Call me weird, call me anything. I don't really mind. We all have different things we love and that's just us. For me, one of the things i love to do is daydream. Which in other words mean i'm most of the time in la la land.(:
At the end of the day, we're all that we have, no matter happy or sad, it's our responsibility to make the next move. To take the next step, to make wise choices and learn from our mistakes so that, we'll be able to live our life to the fullest with at least all the happiness we try to save for ourselves. ;)
till then,
pansy.(:
Humans will always have things they want. Mostly they are non-living things. Such as the latest phone model or the latest whatever. I have them too. Lately i've been waiting for my Canon D60. :)
Sometimes, humans, being the amazing living things they are, they desire something more than those non-living things that everyone wants. Some may desire love, revenge, care, kindness, a boyfriend, kids, husband, wife and etc. The list goes on. I've learn something, human beings are selfish creatures. Some maybe more selfish while some may be less. But they are all selfish creatures, in different ways. Sometimes selfish doesn't always mean bad. We're all just built this way. When you want a boyfriend for example, you're being selfish. The reason is simply because *you* somebody to talk to, *you* want somebody that cares about *you*, *you* want somebody that loves *you*. It's just you you and you. But there's always a give and a take in a healthy relationship so when one person is taking advantage of the other person, the relationship might not really work in most cases.
Back to me, I have a weird/impossible list of wants. Firstly and very badly, i want him. That's not very weird or impossible because at least i know him right? (:
Then i have this huge gigantic obsessions for hot guys in dramas, movies and even books. I tend to fall in love with these characters for the things they say or do in the movies. And yes also because of the way they look. Very huge part. People are selfish in different areas. In my case, I'm selfish in the part where I want somebody who's like those guys I'm obsessed with. This is not a healthy obsession. It's simply because i know i'll never have them but still i long for them. I spend long hours looking at their photos and movies and i even read news about them. The worst part is that i know i will never have anything like them, ever. It's like when we write essays or compos. The grammer may be perfect but if you are writing out of point, what's the use? Similarly, I'm doing everything i can to know about them, but at the end what do i end up with? Disappointments. I should not be took hooked on to this. I should just remember that they are jsut acting out what's on the script, They aren't really like that in reality. Watching them makes me smile and kind of gets my mind off somethings i don't want to think about. It takes me away from reality for a while and i need that sometimes. We all have some kind of drama in our lives. Let it be between families,friends or lovers. But somethings, we can do nothing about but just live with that fact forever. It's a real bad feeling. So an escape from reality by drooling over a hot tv character askign for much? I don't think so. ;)
But what can i do, this is what i love to do and this is what makes me both happy and sad. If i want that happiness, i must be willing to take the consequences that follows. Which in my case the consequences are the never ever fulfilled dream of mine. But someday, i hope i fall in love. Just so that i will stop this obsession. When i mean fall in love, it's when both the guy and the girl are in love with each other. I'm not talking about one sided love. So until then, i'll just continue my miserable days being obsessed with living things i can never get. It's worse than wanting a non living thing.
Call me weird, call me anything. I don't really mind. We all have different things we love and that's just us. For me, one of the things i love to do is daydream. Which in other words mean i'm most of the time in la la land.(:
At the end of the day, we're all that we have, no matter happy or sad, it's our responsibility to make the next move. To take the next step, to make wise choices and learn from our mistakes so that, we'll be able to live our life to the fullest with at least all the happiness we try to save for ourselves. ;)
till then,
pansy.(:
jotted down by pikaidiota- on 6:42 AM
Thursday, October 9, 2008
Every night, I close my eyes, with the hope of hearing from you tomorrow.
When tomorrow came, but you haven't, i waited again in sighs.
But I'm getting tired of this.
I don't get what you're trying do and I'm out of my mind trying to think of a reason why.
A reason why you showed me your cruel side.
A reason why you never said goodbye.
A reason why I deserve this.
A reason why I'm thinking of you.
I'm quite young you know,
not very experienced, not very matured.
So the only reason i could think was quite childish.
But it's the only possible reason right now.
Maybe, you hated me.
There's no one to blame that things turned out the way they did.
I did my part, i asked you how you were.
I waited for your reply, with internal screams every single day.
But i've had enough, I've had enough of this waiting.
So i'll remember our conversations and how you made me laugh.
I'll remember how you found me when i was lost.
I'll remember our short, vague memories.
And i'll cherish them.
You're not here, just when I'm needing you.
This endless waiting is slow torture, like a monologue.
I've been hurt, and I secretly, recovered.
But you weren't here.
I'll find my happiness.
You be happy too,
maybe I'm too late to say this,
but I'm sorry for the *JULY* i gave you, last year.
Maybe this was your revenge, how cruel of you.
But it's okay, I'll be fine, it's a bittersweet world and i don't mind lemons.
So i hope you get the English.(:
so long,
pansy.(:
jotted down by pikaidiota- on 1:13 AM
When tomorrow came, but you haven't, i waited again in sighs.
But I'm getting tired of this.
I don't get what you're trying do and I'm out of my mind trying to think of a reason why.
A reason why you showed me your cruel side.
A reason why you never said goodbye.
A reason why I deserve this.
A reason why I'm thinking of you.
I'm quite young you know,
not very experienced, not very matured.
So the only reason i could think was quite childish.
But it's the only possible reason right now.
Maybe, you hated me.
There's no one to blame that things turned out the way they did.
I did my part, i asked you how you were.
I waited for your reply, with internal screams every single day.
But i've had enough, I've had enough of this waiting.
So i'll remember our conversations and how you made me laugh.
I'll remember how you found me when i was lost.
I'll remember our short, vague memories.
And i'll cherish them.
You're not here, just when I'm needing you.
This endless waiting is slow torture, like a monologue.
I've been hurt, and I secretly, recovered.
But you weren't here.
I'll find my happiness.
You be happy too,
maybe I'm too late to say this,
but I'm sorry for the *JULY* i gave you, last year.
Maybe this was your revenge, how cruel of you.
But it's okay, I'll be fine, it's a bittersweet world and i don't mind lemons.
So i hope you get the English.(:
For tomorrow, I've hoped.
For the meeting of every tomorrow, I've waited.
For you, I've longed for.
For happiness, I'm letting you go.
So this is my goodbye.
For the meeting of every tomorrow, I've waited.
For you, I've longed for.
For happiness, I'm letting you go.
So this is my goodbye.
so long,
pansy.(:
jotted down by pikaidiota- on 1:13 AM
jotted down by pikaidiota- on 1:13 AM
Monday, October 6, 2008
One glance was all it took.
I knew it'd be so good.
One kiss was all it took.
Knew it would feel so good.
I still think about you... I always will
I still think about you, the boy I left behind
I want you for my own.
I want you... for my own.
So far away from you.
(I want you...)
What's a girl meant to do?
(... for my own...)
My thoughts are full of you
(I want you...)
What am I meant to do?
(... for my own...)
I still think about you
I always will
I still think about you, the boy I left behind.
One day I'll find my way back to you
One day I'll find my way back to you
I still think about you
I always will
I still think about you, the boy I left behind.
I want you for my own.
I want you for my own,
I want you for my own.
I want you ...for my own.
I knew it'd be so good.
One kiss was all it took.
Knew it would feel so good.
I still think about you... I always will
I still think about you, the boy I left behind
I want you for my own.
I want you... for my own.
So far away from you.
(I want you...)
What's a girl meant to do?
(... for my own...)
My thoughts are full of you
(I want you...)
What am I meant to do?
(... for my own...)
I still think about you
I always will
I still think about you, the boy I left behind.
One day I'll find my way back to you
One day I'll find my way back to you
I still think about you
I always will
I still think about you, the boy I left behind.
I want you for my own.
I want you for my own,
I want you for my own.
I want you ...for my own.
jotted down by pikaidiota- on 10:43 PM
Sunday, October 5, 2008
Dear you,
i know what you're thinking. you change too fast pansy. The answer's yes and no. I change my interest in tv characters once in awhile. But i've never lost my interest in you. Why? Because i fell in love with the characters these actors portrayed in the movies. and of course their looks. lol
But what's more important is that, looks don't really matter. I only like those characters they portray in the movies, i didnt actually fall in love with them, as in the real personality and la la. Maybe i will if i really knew them in person. So anyways, what i'm trying to say is, I like everything about you. your looks, the way you talk and the way you do everything. you're more than just another soccer boy to me. (:
i miss you, where have you been?
love, me.
i know what you're thinking. you change too fast pansy. The answer's yes and no. I change my interest in tv characters once in awhile. But i've never lost my interest in you. Why? Because i fell in love with the characters these actors portrayed in the movies. and of course their looks. lol
But what's more important is that, looks don't really matter. I only like those characters they portray in the movies, i didnt actually fall in love with them, as in the real personality and la la. Maybe i will if i really knew them in person. So anyways, what i'm trying to say is, I like everything about you. your looks, the way you talk and the way you do everything. you're more than just another soccer boy to me. (:
i miss you, where have you been?
love, me.
jotted down by pikaidiota- on 10:00 PM
Hello, Just finished Geog paper and tomorrow is Social Studies. Not that much i have to worry about. But the next next day is physics.Hell :(
Anyways i just want to save some quotes again. And i love my new Japanese boyfriend :D
I just read in a blog that Hana Yori Dango is going to be made into a Korean version and i just saw the casts. The guy replacing my japanese boyfriend saddens me, -___- Oh well i'm going to watch it anyways. He saddens me because my japanese boyfriend is much hotter than him. I love you Jun :D
And so i changed my blogskin. Meet my new boyfriend.(:
This looked so much like me i had to post it. lol :D
"so break the rules ; sneak out & stay late ; be a rebel & never get caught ; lifes too short to be good sometimes you just have to take a chance and be willing to make a mistake"
"i'd rather argue with you than kiss someone else"
"it's crazy to think how different
your life would be if you never
met those people that changed everything"
"Laugh when you can,
apologize when you should,
and let go of what you cant change."
"i tear my heart open
i sew myself shut
and my weakness is
that i care too much"
"there's always something more you wish he'd say..."
"&& it breaks my heart to
see how much you've changed"
"You're the guy who makes me run into things
because i'm alway's looking at you = ]"
"I’m surprised that you’ve
never been told before
That you’re lovely
and you’re perfect
And somebody wants you."
"I hate how these dreams
seem like reality & when I wake up,
the first thing I think about is how
much I want you & the second thing
I think about is how you can`t be mine."
"The way i feel about you
i just can't [ e x p l a i n ]
its the way my heart beats
when i hear his name"
"Oh, you see that skin? its the same shes been standing in... Since the day she saw him walking away, and now she's left cleaning up the mess he made." -daughters by john mayer
"i dont want expensive jewlery or candle-lit dinners,
all i want is to be sitting next to you, knowing you want me too."
"sometimes the things you complain most about are the things you care most about. unfortunately, you don't always know that before its too late." - boy meets world
and that's all.
pansy(:
"i'd rather argue with you than kiss someone else"
"it's crazy to think how different
your life would be if you never
met those people that changed everything"
"Laugh when you can,
apologize when you should,
and let go of what you cant change."
"i tear my heart open
i sew myself shut
and my weakness is
that i care too much"
"there's always something more you wish he'd say..."
"&& it breaks my heart to
see how much you've changed"
"You're the guy who makes me run into things
because i'm alway's looking at you = ]"
"I’m surprised that you’ve
never been told before
That you’re lovely
and you’re perfect
And somebody wants you."
"I hate how these dreams
seem like reality & when I wake up,
the first thing I think about is how
much I want you & the second thing
I think about is how you can`t be mine."
"The way i feel about you
i just can't [ e x p l a i n ]
its the way my heart beats
when i hear his name"
"Oh, you see that skin? its the same shes been standing in... Since the day she saw him walking away, and now she's left cleaning up the mess he made." -daughters by john mayer
"i dont want expensive jewlery or candle-lit dinners,
all i want is to be sitting next to you, knowing you want me too."
"sometimes the things you complain most about are the things you care most about. unfortunately, you don't always know that before its too late." - boy meets world
and that's all.
pansy(:
jotted down by pikaidiota- on 8:47 PM
Last night i had the worst stomach ache ever. I tried to sleep around 10:30 but i struggled on my bed. There was this pain i could not bare in my stomach. It hurts so much i was i could not sleep still. I was moving all over my bed and trying to grasp something in my hand. I had to take hold of something anything so i was squeezing my blanket. I kept switching my air con on and off. It was the worst pain ever and before i realized it, it was already midnight and i still could not sleep.
I wanted to scream my head off but didn't want to wake up the father and daughter in the other room. I tried to stay calm, I even tried meditating. Nothing helped. So i decided to take pills to fall asleep. I know i know, i promised my mom i won't take anymore pills to make me fall asleep but i could not help it. I searched for it but soon i found out my mom threw all of them away. Sigh.
So i decided to ask for help. I heard some sounds from the TV so probably they(the father and daughter) would be still awake. I got out of my bed, merely standing, i walked out. I asked her if she had some kind of medicine. So she gave me some, so i took them and went back to my bed. But it still didnt work. I felt like going to the toilet every 5 minutes. Even when i was in the toilet, nothing happens. So i stopped going to the toilet and tried to endure the pain on my bed. Many thoughts came into my mind then. Stupid thoughts really. I wonder what if i died right then? It was out of the question but i really felt like it. So to get my mind off my stomach, i opened my laptop to watch some funny/romantic drama or something. Nothing helped.
So by then it was aroudn 2. Someone knocked on my door, it's either the father or the daughter, so i went to open. The daughter came to give me a bottle of warm water and told me not to drink cold water anymore. That's when i realized, i ate the wrong things. So i drank the warm water and tried to sleep again. Not long after that, the father came and asked me if i was okay and told me not to hesitate knocking on their door if anything happens. He told me to keep myself warm and drink warm water and not to eat spicy food. Suddenly i felt touched somehow.
I've been feeling this loneliness lately like i have no one to depend on if anything happens. I'm 15 and i live on my own. I've been doing tht since i was 14. I have to say i'm quite fine living on my own, doing grocery shopping,paying bills and just staying in this whole HDB alone. The father and daughter leaves the house around 9 in the morning and only gets home aroudn 11 at night which means im on my own. The loneliness makes me talk to myself in my mind of course. I kept on dailing my mom and dad's numbers on my phone. I want to talk to them i miss them. I miss the annoying little things my lil sisters do to me. And the irritating little brother whom i wished i hated but i love. I miss them.
My mom goes on and on about how i should be this and that and that i should study more and blah blah, You know moms. But without her, with all this freedom i have to do anything i want, i feel like doing nothing. I feel guilty when i'm going to do something that my mom probably don't like. By far she's the most important person to me, and i don't want to disappoint her anymore.
And then there's my dad. I'm not that close to him. He don't know me like my mom knows me. That's quite obvious as girls usually tend to be closer with their moms. I don't usually or never talk to him about how i feel about something or things i want. When i talk to him, i just listen,comment,nod and try to do whatever he wants me to. It's like a stranger talk, and i want t stop them. I'm changing dad, i am. I'll make you proud someday. I know i take advantage of you dad, and i'm sorry, i'll make it up to you someday. You're a person that tells other to do things, you're no scared of anyone, you get things your way, and you do whatever you want to. But with your children, you're a completely different person. You're this man who loves his children and willing to do anything for them regardless of the things we do. no matter what you do, you're that greatest dad i can ask for. I'm proud to be your daughter. and i love you dad.
My sisters, how can i ever live without them. They're annnoying i tell you. VERY annoying but i love them to bits. And they fill in my loneliness and i just miss them so so much. I love you all.
I have this little brother who's actually my cousin but has been living with me since he was born. Long story. He's irritating and oblivious. He's naughty and lame but not stupid. But you know what, regardless of all those trouble he caused me, I love him and i forgive him. Because i see this boy inside of him, this boy who wants to make my parents proud, this boy who's filled with love and compassion. So brother, go for it. :)
So anyways, yesterday i encountered a little act of kindness. It was a small thing but it made me happy somehow to know that there are people unrelated to me that actually cares about me. Thank you.(:
Love and care is actually a big part in our lives. I'm talking about family love, not the boyfriend girlfriend love. That bf gf love, is quite rare really. Who doesnt want a soulmate right? everyone does, it's just that not everyone's the lucky child. But we're all born into a family, and no matter what they do and what we do, we'll always be a family. I've realised that. I don't have that richest of family and i don't have any royal blood or anything special in my family. But i'm proud to be a part of the family i'm in.(:
Such a long post, i'm gonna go rock geography tomorrow ;)
pansy.(:
jotted down by pikaidiota- on 3:17 AM
Friday, October 3, 2008
I'm supposed to be going crazy as my final year papers are starting this coming monday. But no, i'm happily watching movies soooo relaxed. :SI should not be. Oh well, i'll start studying tomorrow.(:
Just finished watching Hana Yori Dango. Season 1 and 2. I watched the finale movie with Gue last Tuesday. And let me tell you i'm obsessed yet again.(:
I should have been obsessed with it since long ago but i was not into jdrama so yeah, blame me.:S
Anyways, i just wanted to save some quotes again.(;
"and it was pretty clear that it was hardly love"
"i try to fool myself.
i try to pretend i want someone else.
but deep down, i know that i've always
wished for you."
"you want the truth?
here it is
i miss you.
i need you.
i love you"
"we used to be friends you know,
once upon a time when i was
good enough for you"
"When he's not around
there's something missing in her smile"
somehow, these quotes remind me of someone, not my soccer boy. And by the way, why arent you back yet? I miss you. :(
i should probably sleep now,
pansy.(:
jotted down by pikaidiota- on 12:08 PM
The ironic kid;
memorylane;
are you here?