i'm going to smile cause i deserve to.

nnn

2009-11-13T08:48:00.000-08:00

hello hello dead blog,
i've missed you, i just didnt want to write coz i'd bore you with my same old stories. the Os are finally over and im gonna miss school so damn much. A lot has happened, I'm going back on sunday. Cant wait, I'm gonna enjoy myself fully.

Things have changed, i still miss you , i'm still stuck here.

love,
pansy

lost love

2009-09-23T06:05:00.000-07:00

Hey blog,
I was just checking my mail and accidently clicked the starred items. There I found everything I'd rather forget now. My lost love.

I know it has been over 2years since i started writing about him. The him who left me, the him who's happy now, the him i'm in love with. I don't like to use this word but honestly, he's the only guy i've ever nearly,almost or had fallen in love with.

The chat logs reminded me of the reasons why he's still the only guy after all he's done to me. He understood me, made me laugh, made me miss him unconciously and he was everything. I just realised it too late. I wish i had the chance to tell him what i feel about him because he's the only guy i think is worth it to tell.

Then i came across some of the chatlogs with my friend that fell in love with me.According to him. I told him I wasn't ready, he said he'd wait, so i siad what if after all those waiting, I still cant like you, he said he'd make me like him. He said he was so in lvoe with me that he feel as if he's gonna feel this forever. Relax my friend, i told you then too, forever is such a big word. And now you're happily taken by someone else. :)

And this other guy who used to go head over heels for me. Saying the same old story of him waiting for me until im ready and blah blah. Guys have too much drama going on. Somehow i knew from the start that they aint worth it. If they were they would be still in love with me now, like they told me. I'm not sad because they fell out of love with me but because they took away alll the hope and faith i had. My beliefs of me being someone worth fighting for and all. I'm still young, i'll meet more people. It didn't break me apart.

Thinking about them and their confessions to me, i came to think about how much i think about him every single day. Until now, I can't forget him. We were never together, he never told me he loved me, We were friends, i didnt know i was in love with him until a while ago. Love develops so unexpectedly that it surprises me. All along i believed that if i meet someone who treats me better than him, i'd forget this vague memory and get over this heartache, but i was wrong. Way wrong. Let the world tell me how stupid i am for thinking about him, but my heart won't change. My heart has always been there waiting for me to speak for it. I never did, I was always too late.

So long lost love, i have a feeling we are never going to be together.

For now, it's still you, like it has always been, I'm trying to replace you but you can't force a heart.

I hpe you well and your girlfriend too. be happy, i'm trying to be less of a loser by lessening the amount of things i tell people about you although everything still reminds me of you.

You never knew, i loved you, i still do.

This young love, this young heartache aint gonna break me.

i miss you,

till we meet again love,
pansy(:

2009-09-06T08:32:00.000-07:00

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Hello Blog,

I haven’t updated in a while. Many things have been happening and I’m learning to let go. I try to spend most of my time on studying and other times just sleeping, ignoring the world. I feel quite down lately and I miss you blog. I want to say some things.

I like being alone, the silence and the imaginations it brings. But you know what? My biggest fear is loneliness, ironically. I believe it, face book says it. Even my mom says it. No one wants to be alone, come on. I don’t know how many people feel like me but I feel suffocated most of the time. Especially away from people that actually care for me. I feel like there’s no one to turn to but myself. Like I’m all I can count on at the end of the day. It’s not like I can’t survive on my own, but it’s just, sometimes it gets lonely, real lonely.

Every single day, I joke around, laughing and thinking positive of everything. I fool around a lot because there’s no point being depressed. And I think, people expect me to always be happy and stupid. I’ve realised somethings lately. I let a lot of people take advantage of me and I don’t even mind it. They do it because I let them. Sometimes I wonder If I’ll ever get a sincere thank you from anyone someday for whatever I’ve done for them. For everything I’ve done, I did them whole-heartedly, and willingly because I want to. If I don’t want to, I just don’t, as simple as that. I’m very nice to people I care for and those mostly are the ones that hurts me the most.

It’s kind of sad to realise how lost I feel sometimes and there’s no one to blame but myself. I let people take me for granted and I stupidly let them do whatever they want. I’m a happy person, I’d rather let people win than see them disappointed or mad. My big big mistake. We can’t always be nice. I ‘ve realised why there are such words like ‘selfish’. It’s because, we all are, in one way or another. I’m letting people take me for granted sometimes knowingly because I just don’t want anything to mess up my day. But you know what, doing that makes it worse. I have this selfless urge to follow peoples’ wants. And some people actually expect me to do it. It’s like, because I’m being oh so cheerful everyday, goofing around, they find it hard to accept me seriously with some form of respect. I can’t stand it but you know what no one gives a damn. And that’s why I’m blaming myself for it.

No one really takes in account of what I want because I never say it. Even if I did, I’m left in ignorance, so I tend to just keep quiet and go with the flow. Wrong again. I’m getting tired of writing this emotional outbreak letter to myself to remind me of what kind of loser I’m becoming for complaining so much.

Life’s like this pansy, it has always been, accept it. I will and I am, accepting it as it is. But sometimes, just sometimes, I want to be certain of what I mean to people and get respect in return. I’m talking about finding people that’ll get me. Who’d do the same for me as I do for them. Who don’t make fun of me and take in account of what I want. Who’d say thank you sincerely and people who knows when I’m not myself sometimes and feels like the world is crushing under my feet. I just want to meet people who tell me. "it's okay to be sad, you don't always have to be happy."

I just don’t want to end up alone forever, I want to meet somebody who makes me feel alive again. Somebody who’ll remind me that I’m worth fighting for and that I don’t have to loose hope in everything. Somebody who’ll join my quest to discover the beauty of life in the simplest ways, defining every little moment and cherishing them.

I think I should stop now, I can go on forever though, I’m a word person. I’m bullshitting here and tomorrow, I’m going to be goofy again. I want to grow out of this phase where I’m stuck wondering why people wouldn’t do the same for me, after all I’ve done for them. It’s kind of sad, but I got to live with, life’s like that. Always have, always will.

Good night bittersweet world,

I feel so lost.

Till Then,

Pansy(:

2009-08-13T07:46:00.000-07:00

i want something random,

indescribable, beautiful, unexpected.

i want to be caught off guard,

and swept impossibly too high off my feet.

you aren't any of those.

you aren't good for me.

so i'm letting you go.

for good.

I HATE YOu.

2009-08-10T08:41:00.000-07:00

I HAVE OFFICIALLY MOVED ON. NO MORE EFF-ING YOU. NO MORE EFF-ING LONGING FOR YOU ASSHOLE. I HOPE YOU ARE HAPPY.

you.

2009-08-07T11:46:00.000-07:00

Somehow i can't post youtube videos now. But found a song that says everything everything i want ot say to you. Don't worrry im still trying to forget you.
here's the song. btw, please go check it out on youtube sometimes, the girl from UK composed and sang it, great vocals,, beautiful lyrics.

The last to know
Jennifer Rafferty

If there's a reason, that you're leavin'
won't you tell me why
So many questions, left unanswered
You keep them all inside
when im with you, when you're near me
You feel so far away
You wanna hold me, you need to tell me,
but there's nothing you can say

Chorus
I was the last to know,
the only one who couldn't see
I was the last to know
How much you wanted to be with me
If only I had known
That I was tearing you apart
If only you had known
I would have given you my heart

Too scared to let you know
How much I need you
I need you here to stay
and if you're feeling, the way I'm feeling
then I wish that you would say
It's such a waste of time, to have to say goodbye
if we both feel the same
if we nver say what we are feeling
then we have ourselves to blame

sometimes,

2009-08-03T01:08:00.000-07:00

Today i flunked my amaths paper two. but it's okay, ms pow said so herself. :D
and only f&n left, so i can relax for a bit and as if i havent been. im too kind on myself, i should really study more if i want to score for Olevels. It's not too late pansy.

Anyways, i just wanted to write something. Don't worry, it's about him. well not all about him. It's just something to do with him and mainly about how the guys i've met lately have made me realise something.

On my task daily to forget about him, i try to replace him with anyone. This keeps me from talking about him apart from teh ocassional slips during conversations like "oh he always did this to me" or "i wish he was here" or "this reminds me of him" or "i wonder what he's doing" adn stuff liek that. But what i should really be thinking is that, is he here pansy? no he's not, get over it. He's never coming back. don't be such a loser pansy, really.

Some people ask me why i never get a boyfriend. Some even ask me if im even normal nto to have a single bf until this age. come on, 16 is like nothing, and there are no age stuff for relationship matters. I'll get a boyfriend when i meet someone who makes me feel different. So far i've only met one guy worthy to go out with and he's no where to be found so that's that. And others who are trying to get me, don't have the willingness to really get to know me, so i don't see a boyfriend for me comign very soon. Guys i like, well that's another story, they'll not be my boyfrd unless i ask them out so yeah no. I'm not in a hurry to get one. what's so special anyways, one person have this much problems, plus another one? No thanks yet.

But seriously sometimes, I also haev a heart that desires someone goofy and true.
Someone who might be mean to me but cares about me.
Someone who don't just leave me wandering around lost.
Someone who sees through all my smiles and laughs each days.
Someone who don't agree on everything with me but who is willing to tell me what's right if my wrong.
Someone who i can talk to about anything.
Someone who's willing to accept my flaws and love me for who i am.
Someone who may be ugly and knows that i can accept it.
Sometimes, i just really need someone to rely on..

I'm the type who'll just let everyone win just coz i don't want misunderstandings and unhappiness. I'm the always happy go lucky type that people fidn it hard to see me sad and depressed. And i personally don't like that so I don't stay that way. This one person who left me, was the only person so far who said it was okay for me to cry as well. And so im gonna stop talking about him coz he's stupid and he left me.

I don't really require so much, i think what i mentioned above is the basic that all girls will tend to want. We girls just need someone who cares and know that we're fragile and soemtimes, no matter how strong we look, we are girls afterall.

I am goign to stop writing before i start bullshitting all over.

till then,
pansy(:

i miss you

2009-07-26T06:59:00.000-07:00

damn prelims.
i miss you, i can't help it.

2009-07-17T11:14:00.000-07:00

I just realised something today. Last time i went to bangkok, i bought a band tee unknowingly. Then again i bought that shirt above at topshop like last year. What I did not know was the story behind them.

Both shirts that i own featured the bassist Sid Vicious from the Sex pistols. I knew they were a band but this shirt im wearing has a quite tragic story behind it. Basically, sex pistols are one of the most influeacial punk rock bands that ever lived. They like practically started teh whole thing in the 70s. Anyways, that's not what i want to say here, if you want to know more, google it.

I want to talk about Sid Vicious and his girlfriend Nancy. I forgot the girl's last name. Sid was a fan of sex pistols at first, then later when the bassist of the band left, he joined. He wasn't the greatest bassist but I'm kind of interested in him. In his story that is. I just started reading about him today so here is what i found out.

Sid was part of the band for like 3 years adn they disbanded. He had some solo acts and blah blah. but his life quote or something was *live fast, die young*. That all came to reality when his met is girlfriend, Nancy. Nancy was an American groupie. They immediately got into a relationship and were inseperable. Like any other punk rock couple, their relationship had some of those wierd things i don't wnat ot mention. Nancy was a herion addict. She was teh whole reason for Sid's downturn in my opinion. Sid later became a herion addict as well. Sometime in 1978, Nancy passed away in a hotel bathroom. Sid was accused of the death as he was there and the abdomen was stabbed as well. Come on, they were high, I don't think he did it on purpose. He loved ehr so damn much. Anyways, he was sentenced to jail and like a day after he was released, he was actually sober but hsi mother just had to give him herion cause she wanted to celebrate his return. And there went Sid vicious, on 1st feburary 1979. I'm in deep sorrow to have only found out about you now and in very much pain to knwo you left so early at the aeg of 21. Well, that was yoru life, and i admire your love for nancy.

In one of the interviews he gave right after court, he said one of the most heart melting thing :

Reporter: Are you having fun? (WHAT KIND OF QUESTION IS THAT TO ASK A GUY WHO'S GIRLFRD JUST PASSED AWAY AND IS ACCUSED OF IT WHEN HE FKING LOVED HER)

Sid: Are you kidding me? No, im not having fun at all.

Reporter: Where would rather be now?

Sid: underground.

Reporter: Are you serious?

Sid: yeah...

I don't know about you but i find it heartwarming and sad at the same time because, he loved nancy so much, although she was ugly,bad influenced adn ruined his whole relationship with his band. I salute you. Love is indeed blind.

I'll blog about him more later, when i find out more interesting things to say. There's a movie abotu them, called SID AND NANCY. I wnat to watch.

till then,
pansy(:

moving on..

2009-07-13T06:10:00.001-07:00

With school, family and other things that matter more, I don't even have much time on you. When i make up my mind, I will do it. And now is the time, no more buts and what ifs. Just moving on.

Anyways, some people find it hard when i became all sad here, lol. I can't believe myself either, believe when you see me outside, im such a clown, never serious.

Dunno what to write, just bored
till then,
pansy(:

goodbye

2009-07-07T07:50:00.000-07:00

This post is entirely from the bottom of my heart and the soul within.

I'm not saying this is going to be the last ever post about you, there might be more if I can't hold it in but this is where I wnat to say for the gazillionth time, goodbye.

I've realised some stuff lately. I still miss you and feel very much same about you. nothing has changed, it's just that i realised, what the hell am i doing here? Waiting for you or am I being mad because you left me? Or am i just simply wasting time? I'm not sure.

For whatever reason you left me, you left me. As simple as that, If you really wanted to be with me, nothing would have stopped you. This is not because I don't understand. I do, I know you have problems, but there's no way a person would leave someone else in such a harsh way. You could have at least talked to me dude. Seriously to save me from all these misery where I am finding happiness in. Or I try to. It's already enough that I'm away from my family, I don't need you to make me feel more lonely.

The truth is, I miss you and I want to be with you. But the reality is, you're not here. Screw all the destiny and fate. Screw hope. It has never made helped me anyways. I'm not giving up on hope, no, I'm just going to stop relying on it.

Let's say,If we were to meet again, we will and i'll leaev it at that. I'm not going to purposely forget you, i will one day, when i meet someone who maeks me feel different again. i'm sure there are a lot of people out there, I just havent meet them.

You're the guy every song reminds me of but i still listen to them.

You're the guy I think of before I sleep.

You're the guy I think of when I see old people, young people, or let's just say eveyrthing.

You're the guy I always want to see and the one that i miss but what can i do? You left me.

I promise myself I'm going to move on adn that one day when you decide to come back, it's already too late. It's always too late. You're on your own and I am as well.

You left me and it's not worth the misery no more. And for whatever reason you will give one day, it's not worth it. How could you dude. My heart's not breaking, i've learnt not to fake heart breaks long ago. I fking miss you and i'm going to move on. Don't decide to love me when I have.

Till then,

pansy(:

ma lwan lout par boo.

2009-07-04T09:33:00.001-07:00

I shouldn't miss you anymore.

I don't want to be dramatic anymore.

I just want to be with you like a fat girl wants her chocolate cupcake.

I want to see you like a 13 year old want to meet a 13 year old skater boy.

It's been two years, going on three.

till then,

pansy(:

first july 09

2009-07-01T02:09:00.000-07:00

This is not how I planned it to be,

I can't breathe even when my chest is moving up and down,

I can't feel my heart beating even when I know it is.

I don't know if I'm just used to the pain since it's been so long,

There's really no one to blame,

but this is not how it's supposed to be.

You leave my mind every now and then,

but you're usually always there.

And it's when every single thing reminds me of you,

and im supposed to hate it but i enjoy it.

It's when i keep seeing you everywhere i look,

and supposed to feel sad but i smile stupidly.

It's when i turn back to find someoneelse,

when i thought it'd be you and I giggle to myself.

It's when I dream of you even when I'm awake,

and I'm supposed ot sleep but i choose not to.

It's when i find happiness in this sadness,

and it's when i know you left me for me,

and i can't deny the fact that i,

".."

fate

2009-06-25T11:05:00.000-07:00

I think I love you.

duhasmel

2009-06-24T11:47:00.001-07:00

For the last 2 days, i watched 2 movies I vowed never to watch. transformers n drag me to hell. transformers took me by surprise while drag me to hell was as expected. disgusting as hell.

I really enjoyed transformers. I was never a action movie kinda girl nor a robot kind of person but you know what I might just start watching them now. And oh my god, meet josh duhamel, my new obsession. If only i was fergie right now, sigh. He sings to fergie. urgh, i neeed to get a life. and so he's hot, and i kept smiling to myself whenever he showed up. move away shia lebouf or however you spell it. And i think im attracted to mature guys. I like that maturity :)

And so now im watching thrillers and action flicks in cinema just liuke you told me to try. IT wasnt so bad, just that it would have been better if you were there. i still miss you and i still think josh duhamel. If you were reading this you'd be laughing :)

till then,

pansy(:

I found you

2009-06-20T05:10:00.000-07:00

After nearly a year of knowing this person, my roommate's boyfriend, I finally found out you were his friend. After trying to find somebody that would know what you might be doing adn all that, I realised just today. My heart keep skipping beats and i don't know whether i should be happy or not. It's beating so fast i can't catch my breath.

I've been waiting to see you for over 2 years now. But i still don't know what i would say to you when i do see you. But honestly i'LL be happy as long as i see you adn the words would follow. I don't think you left me because you hated me.

Arghh i can't write anymore, i'll continue later, I miss you and i can't wait to see you again, love.

till then,
pansy(:

i want to let go.

2009-06-14T00:40:00.000-07:00

Bored as hell these days. I have no idea what to do. I'll start studying today since i have nothing better to do. Went to watch Monsters vs Aliens yesterday in 3D, it's cool. i fell asleep the first time i watched it so i rewatched it and stayed awake so yeah.(:

Anyways found quite a number of quotes that really touched me today so i'm gonna post them(:

"Pain is when you can’t breathe, even if your chest still rises and falls. Sadness is when you look out the window and think the rain are your tears. Loneliness is when you still feel a hand touching yours, even if there’s none. Desperation is when you wait for someone that never comes. And love is when you experience all those things and still open your heart to someone that never got there." <<<<>

"and they dont need to know that i still think about you. and they dont need to know that im still not over you."

"Sometimes you just have to let them win, because losing the argument is easier than losing them." <<<>

"I want so badly to tell you how I feel, but I'm scared that after I pour out all my feelings for you, you're just going to stare at me like the words don't mean a thing." <<<<>

"And in some way, I think I recognize that I will never be fully over you, and that part of me will always love you. But most of me understand that this doesn’t work, and I need to move on to be happy"<<<< Seriously

"I hope that a little part of you still thinks of me." <<<>

"He's the first thing I think about everyday. How is he? Does he miss me like I miss him? How do I get him back? And then another day without him begins.."

"The things we did, the things we said, keep coming back to me and make me smile again."

because i feel like it.

2009-06-11T09:42:00.000-07:00

And today, the extra classes officially ended for me. YAAAAAAYYYYYYY! but but I should still study. I will, but I want to blog right now.

I haven't let out my feeling in long long long blog posts in awhile so I'm going to do that. Don't continue reading because you probably might get bored. I just need to write it somewhere. And writing it on microsoftwords doesn't help for some reason so i'm doing it here.(:

it's mostly about him when i want to write long long posts. And this is one of them. It's been 2 years since i last saw or heard from you. There was never a single day that I never think about you. When i wake up, you might not be the first thing on my mind but i do think of you in the morning, afternoon, evening and especially at night time. When i'm all alone and feel the emptiness within me.

I feel more lonely becuase firstly, I'm away from my family and secondly you. You made me feel like I was safe and protected. The kind of feeling that i get when I'm with my family. I like that feeling, i miss that feeling. By now, you might think I'm getting used to being away from you. You know what, i've always been fine, I see the best in everything but just sometimes it gets real hard. It gets hard to wake up in the morning when I can't fall asleep at night because I dream of you when I'm not even asleep. I see your stupid face everywhere I look. My playlists keep playing songs that remind me of you. I hear you calling my name. Whenever someone calls me from the back, I turn back hoping you'd be there while I know best that you ain't gonna be there.

i don't know, maybe i enjoy being lonely. I'd rather be lonely than be with anyone but you right now. Nobody has ever tried to know me like you did. i don't fall in love easily. i like people i do. I haven't given up on love yet, trust me. It's still too damn early. It's just, i need to fall out of love with you. I need you to tell me "i love you", "i hate you", "it's okay, move on" or something that will help me find my way back. I just need someone to find me when i'm lost. i thought that'd be you but you yourself is lost. I just really need to move on. I'm getting tired of pretending to be fine. Because i can't get you out of my mind and i wnat to call you mine. I still feel the same about you. But I don't want it to stay this way. I need a signal, anything so that i can do something about it and not be stuck here.

I need you to know, the sky's still blue, the grass's still green, the desserts are still dry and that my love is still very much alive. Please show up somewehre infront of me anything anywhere, after you make up your mind and when you're ready to tell me all the reasons so that i can move on with life alone or with you.

No matter what, I'll always remember you. But I need to move on. It can't carry on like this. I want to fall in love with someone other than you freely. I do. I want to fall in love with my mind clear. I want to stop pretending i like every hot guy i see. Because the truth is, it's still you. After a while, i start comparing you with everyone. You just bring out the real me although i don't knwo who it is. And i want to meet someone who makes me feel that way again.

I wish you find people who loves you for you and I hope I can move on real soon. I don't mind people calling me a loser for waiting for you. I've stop pretending to be in loev with other people a long time ago. Because, I'm not going to lie to myself. You're still the closest I have to love.

Be happy, i wish you luck and please talk to me asap. I relaly want to move on.

Till then,
pansy(:

sigh

2009-06-02T06:07:00.000-07:00

I think i might just be the loneliest person I know. And i don't really mind. I enjoy my company and going on dates with my self. So I think I'm inlove with myself. LOL anyways, I try to be happy.(:

I don't want to blog becuase the same story comes out.

When will this trauma end? I'm trying ot find a crush. I need to move on. Be happy.
Urghh who am I kidding? I frigging miss you.

till then,
pansy(:

our song

2009-05-30T07:43:00.000-07:00

Yet, another one of "our song".

I miss you and i need to move on.

Till then,

pansy(:

huuuuuuuuuuu

2009-05-27T02:47:00.000-07:00

it's too weird being away from you for this long,

outside i'm as calm as can be,

but inside i'm going insane and i'm about to explode

one of those days.

2009-05-17T06:37:00.001-07:00

I am going to flunk my physic papers. VERY VERY SURE. and I should be studying amaths now, taking a break, i'll get there after this. and ms.tan just asked me to do the values for breakfast thing tmr. GOD!!!

Feeling shitty right now. Urgh. Endure it pansy, 2 more days. (:

No matter how far I am from you, I can feel you near me. I miss you.

till then,
pansy(:

addiction

2009-05-05T11:35:00.000-07:00

"wait for the day when I forget who you are, when the sound of your name is old and worn, the days when I won't remember why I needed you so bad."

2009-05-03T23:51:00.000-07:00

I have a high fever of 38.2 degrees today. Found out this morning. Now it has decreased to 37.8 degress,so i'm glad. I don't want to miss my mid year papers.(:

Stuck at home again, don't know what to do. Going to watch family outing soon. Right now going to blog a little.(:

Over the weekend, I studied Amaths and revised on english. I didn't look back on other subjects yet because i didnt want to stress myself. On saturday, went to outram park to order my father's long awaited stamps. I walked up the hill all alone at around 10am, sacrificing my sleeping in time, just to find out that it was fricking closed. I was frustrated! It was the second time that it happened. First it was with my sister. So anyways, i decided to go on a date with myself. Went over to orchard to shop a little and watched a movie. Well earned. Watched The international, enjoyed it.(:

On sunday, I stayed home to study and watch movies of course.(: I actually forgot about the evaluation for F&N which was due that day but luckily remembered around 6 that evening. So sat down for about 2 hrs, concentrating on it and i really wrote a nice evaluation. I mean I like it. I give in a lot of thought. Bad luck was with me so i ended up not saving it. :( Had to rewirte the whole thing. Then the next morning, high fever, great weekend huh?(:

Anyways, found some great korean songs just now. I've been in bed the whole day, tired of sleeping. I feel so sick. Get well soon pansy.
Here a song i really love. Hope you enjoy.(:

I'm more of a indie rock band kinda person. But i enjoy epik high. They have this rock/r&b style. LOVE IT.

Without fail, i wrote something for you. Just a hobby I seriously wish I get over soon.(:

"I wish you could have been there for the sun and the rain. For the sound of thousand conversations scatterred along the road. For the people laughing and crying and remembering at the end. But, mainly, I wish you could have been there."

Till then,

pansy(:

YOU

2009-04-28T08:18:00.000-07:00

"I realised something on the bus ride to school today. You're like the raindrops that I could see but not hear because I was drowned in the music. Then, suddenly, the music stops. That's when I realise, how strong the raindrops were. As small as they are, splashing drop by drop on the ground,they made piercing sounds that I can't deny that there was no rain. Just like how I finally decided to accept this clear truth. To stop denying how important you are to me. They were just small acts that pushed you into my life, yet strong enough to remind me of you every single day."

in and out.

2009-04-27T05:52:00.000-07:00

Only when I fall in love, I'll fall out of love. Ironically.[=

the little happiness.

2009-04-25T11:01:00.000-07:00

I'm not wishing terrible things on you. I hope you stay safe, and I hope that the people you are with care about you like I do. I want you to be happy, and I want you to be doing what you love. But I'd like you to never forget me. Maybe it's true what they say; there are those people you encounter in life who you never really get over. No matter how many other better people you meet, people who treat you better and love you better, in the back of your mind, there is always that one person you can't quite completely forget.

Today, went to botanic gardens with ma htate htar. Enjoyed it a lot. We sat/lied on the grass with books and food. H E A V E N. I haven't been feeling this alive or free lately. Today was a refresher. Even if it was just a brief happiness, i liked it. (:

till then,

pansy(:

2009-04-22T10:27:00.000-07:00

Today, I did not go to school because the stupid pain started acting up again. Seriously, sometimes i feel like dying because of it. Please go away, please.

I was feeling better and needed some fresh air around 5pm today so went to bedok resevoir to see the sunset. It was beautiful and enjoyed it.(:

Other than that, I miss you. People move on, or they pretend they have. So i'm going to pretend too, for now. But honestly, you keeping popping up in my mind. So i'm just going to live with it. Because you can't just stop bothering me. (:

Just now, this guy came to chat with me, and he sound so much like you. No more tricks please. But i enjoyed talking with him. for the first time, i found someone who can talk to me like you did. Still, no one could replace you love.

I hope you always find a reason to smile. I do.

Till then,
pansy(:

Almost lovers.

2009-04-14T08:14:00.000-07:00

I'm here again, trying not to write about you. But honestly, my blog is the only place I know that I can let myself free, without annoying anyone. I know this is stupid, to be still thinking about you but I don't think there's anything wrong with it. I just like you, and I'm not waiting for you. It's always been you, always. I just didn't realised. Until I find someone who can finally replace you in my life, I'll still write about you. I'm going to say it again, because you're the closest i have to love.

Anyways, many things remind me of you. Like the song above for example. Here are some of the lyrics that i can really relate to :

Goodbye my almost lover,

Goodbye my hopeless dream,

I'm trying not to think about you,

Can't you just let me be?

So long my luckless romance,

My back is turned on you ,

Should've known you'd bring me heartache,

Almost lovers always do.

And these are the truth from my heart, be happy. I want you to be.

You let go,so now its my turn.I can accept that,but when i find happiness,don't decide you love me.

Being with you is so dysfunctionalI really shouldn't miss you,but I can't let you go

there's a part of me that will be in love with you for the rest of my life no matter whom I'm with.

everyday i have to fight back the urge to text you, or call you, telling myself that if you wanted to talk to me, you would.

if i could have a dance with you,i'd pick a song that never ends

sometimes the hardest thing to let go of is the one thing you never had.

I don't know if I'm getting better or just used to the pain.

Today was just one of those days where everything I did reminded me of you and every song I heard somehow related to you. I hate days like today, because they remind me of the one thing I do not have.

No one can accuse you of falling in love with the wrong person if inside you know he is the one.

Missing someone gets easier everyday because even though you are one day further from the last time you saw them, you are one day closer to the next time you will.

You're my favorite hope,my favorite try.You're my favorite letdown,my favorite goodbye.

I swear it's you that I waited for,I swear it's you that my heart beats for.

Till then,

pansy.(:

it's hard for an empty bag to stand upright,

2009-04-09T07:46:00.000-07:00

You never know what you had until it's gone, and you never know what you really want until you're alone. I haven't really changed, but I'm not the same person. Being alone makes you get wiser or just insane, but maybe I'm both?

Been missing school a lot lately and i don't like it. From now on, i'm going to try my best to be at school. I hope my health thing is going to be fine.:)

Anyways, going out with my soulamate tomorrow, finally. I've been locking myself in my room for quite some time already.

I seriously don't have anything to blog about at all. Just that i'm obsessed with family outing a korean variety show right now. :D

If i continue blogging i know what i'm going to write so i'm going to stop.

till then,
pansy(:

soccer boy

2009-03-28T13:50:00.001-07:00

This is for my one and only soccerboy[=,

I did not fall in love with you, thank god. I never planned to but just saw it coming several times. Now i realise that I was just trying to make myself fall in love with you. I was forcing myself. I really liked you, so I thought you could fill in the void. Wrong answer again. I keep choosing guys to replace him, your precious friend who decided not to talk to me anymore. When I talk, write or even think about you, he kept popping up in my head and it's very annoying. I kept denying it for a long time and kind of used you to fill in his place. It didn't really help since I still think of him, and everything reminds me of him. People say I change very fast . Honestly, I just try to potray that image.And some say that's why I don't have a boyfriend. Seriously, do they really think I'm so desperate for a boyfriend that's why I would go la la for random guys? HECK NO! Everyone can date very easily. But i'm not looking for a boyfriend, thank you.(: It has been him all along, since i've met him. My stupid pride kept denying it and things truned out this way. But I still don't know why he left me. Do you? Anyways, I just wanted to say thanks for giving me a brief taste of happiness but it's just that i'm happier even when i just htink about him no matter how much it's hurting me. I liked you alot but nothing relaly sparks in me when i think of you most of the time. Maybe fake sparks. So this is the extent i can lie to myself. I'm a little bit old fashioned and I want my first boyfriend to be someone special and not some random guy. and right now i want my so called first love to be him. Becuase he's the closest i have to love.(:

Now i won't be awkward with you anymore. :D

Love,

me.

it's heartbreaking.

2009-03-24T08:17:00.000-07:00

It's a great thing that i met you.
It's a special feeling how i know the way you talk to me is different.
It's amazing how you still make me happy despite the fact that you left me.
And it's sad to say that you're the closest to love.(:

I'm glad you're fine.
I want to tell you that i miss you.
I want to tell you how many guys i've tried to crush on.
I want to tell you how many times i 've tried to fall in love.
I want to tell you how i try to find you in everyone.
I want to tell you how i think of you every single day.
I want to tell you how your face keeps popping up in my head.

I'm hurt,
I'm sad,
my heart's kind of breaking.
Love? overrated bullshit.

till then,
pansy(:

pain

2009-03-22T10:32:00.000-07:00

Things that happened during March Holidays:
1)I turned 16
2)I started playing the guitar
3)I went to kota tingi
4)I got surprising presents. heartbreaking yet surprising(:
5)slumdog millionaire rocks.
6)Met my sister again.

That's basically what i've been up to. Had a great birthday. Thanks everyone for wishing me a happy birthday. Especially my drama crew for singing that off tune birthday song.haha.loved it(:

and Kalay for playing the birthday song with your guitar.

I'm having a bad menstrual pain now, been having it all day long. so im not going to school tomorrow. ms. pow's gonna kill me.

anyways, gonna submit some pic in deviantart. so do check them out.(:

http://theironickid.deviantart.com

till then,
pansy(:

F R E A K

2009-03-13T00:59:00.000-07:00

Last last night, i wrote a really long post and somehow it disappeared. Urghh.

So anyways, I woke up at 830 today so obviously did not make it to school. I'm trying to think of some reason to tell ms. pow in case she still remembers it after the holidays. :S

IP was somehow wierd for me. Especially when Mr.chiu decides to tell a teacher i like him. His name is Mr.Tan and he teaches Social Studies. I like the way he looks and thats all.
BUT somehow mr.chiu thinks i like him and it was my mistake to ask his name to mr.chiu. -_-

That day started of nicely the day we went hiking. Hot aussie trainers were there and i was enjoying it. Until mr.chiu brings along mr.tan and told me my wish came true right infront of him! FREAK!!! I was freaking out, and all red. Mr.tan was going to be the in charge for the hiking day. Mixed feeling right there.

Mr. chiu kept saying "pansy's from myanmar and you can ask her anything" " pansy's the most excitted to go on this trip" right in front of Mr.tan.and he probably thinks i like him.

Oh well, i kind of enjoyed the day. Mr.tan only knew my name and he kept talking to me so it was very fun :D Some people(not mentioning names) tried to flirt with him but he did not care. But he still talks to me. LA LA LA ¬

The day ended and i kind of like him more than the looks. I mean, the way he talks is quite attractive and when he starts talking about social studies or even Geography, i can melt i tell. Seriously.

At least, i have something to do now at school. It'll definitely help me get over some stuff and help me not to think about some things. (:

"But honestly, until now, i haven't found anything better to replace you. And i hate it."

till then,

pansy(:

CIP day

2009-03-10T04:56:00.000-07:00

Hello :D

All the 4E non-mothertongue students went newspaper collection with the Sec 3s so that's what i did. I kinda enjoyed it and i got CIP points so it all greatttttttttttttt!!! :D

Anyywayys, tomorrow is hiking day and stuff for geography. I changed my blogskin, finally and im still to bored to put int he rest of the codes so my page is gonna look blank for a bit. lol

I want to sleep so yeah, BUH BYES :D

till then,

pansy(:

i miss you

2009-03-09T09:30:00.000-07:00

"I still miss you and that's okay"

Unless I fall in love, I won't get over you. But i miss you and that's okay. everything gets better with time. But it's been 1 year and some months now you-freaking-cruel-bastard-whom-i-can-never-hate-so-i-become-the-loser-that-wants-something-she-cant-have. (:

Today i was sick so went to see the doctor and met a very very hot one. And look at our conversation.

Dr: So what's wrong?

Me: I have menstrual pain.

Dr: Which day of your mens period was today?

Me:*making up something cause i was having a migraine.* umm 2nd day?

Dr: Normal flow?

Me: yeah *akward*

Dr: so where does it hurt?

I showed him where and he was POKING MY STOMACH. WTF!!!

LOL.

anyway gonna sleep coz im gonna go to skl tmr. (:

till then,

pansy(:

2009-03-05T04:47:00.000-08:00

Lesly Roy - Unbeautiful

That day when i was thinking about you, my sister out of all people showed me this song. This is another song that says everything on my mind right now. And it's gonna be another song when i'm gonna think of you whenever i hear it. But with each day, i'll getting over you a little and a little. It's now a little easier for me to move on when i know you obviously don't want me in your life.

And here are some more quotes when i'm trying to get over you.

i feel pathetic for still wanting you,but its your faultyou shouldn't have made those promisesyou shouldn't have disappeared on me.

AND i wrote this.(:

"I think i can get over you,and move on. I know i can love someone else as much as i loved you or even more. I can tell I'm going to be happy. But one thing for sure is that I'll never forget you. You'll always be there in one corner of my heart. That's who you are to me."

I managed to pass all my subjects except English and probably F&N since i maybe getting my paper back only tomorrow. I'm happy.(:

I don't have much to say. I'm tired and i'm sick.

Till then,

Pansy(:

learning to say goodbye

2009-03-02T00:16:00.000-08:00

It's been about a week since i sent you that letter. No reply, i knew it since the day i sent it but still what am i supposed to do?

I'm in such a loser position to send you that letter but i don't care. Because I want to know it. For the first time in my life, I went broke through the walls that hid me away from the things that i desire and did it. I'm not waiting for you to love me and I know you don't want me in your life so i will still miss you but i'm letting you go.

If one day we were to meet again, i'll just smile and wait for your reply but i'll not be the one saying hello.

So anyways, I want to post some quotes that i can really relate to now.

"it's gonna take some time,actually it's gonna take a lotof time, but i'm going toget over you. i could neverforget you; but i will get overyou. and when i finally do,you better not come back to me."

"I understand you've moved on, trust me, I know. So just turn your head when you see me and look past my heart and my feelings, because they're not gonna turn away from you anytime soon."

"See, there is a feeling inside that says I don't want you to be better off without me"

"It’s funny how we have no trouble pouring out on feelings on the computerBaring our souls to complete strangersBut when it comes to telling how you really feelTo the people that matter most the words can’t come out.And there you stand wondering what could’ve been."

"Today was just one of those days where everything I did reminded me of you and every song I heard somehow related to you. I hate days like today, because they remind me of the one thing that I don't have... you."

"I can't stop thinking about what would have happened if we hadn't given up on each other"

AND this came from deep within me,

"Honestly, no words can ever explain it. I just felt it. And no, you don't know because you probably never looked at anybody the way i did. Or you're just pretending becuase we're better off without each other."

Till then,

pansy(:

Don't worry, Be happy(:

2009-02-26T07:46:00.002-08:00

That's all i got to say, really.

don't worry, be happy

2009-02-26T06:33:00.000-08:00

I met you back in 2006 when i first came to Singapore. You found me. You found me when I was lost and lonely. We were online buddies and became very close in a short time. I've always enjoyed talking to you because I am who i want to be when I talk to you. I'm not shy of what I'm going to say because I know that you will understand. Like you said, you've never made me cry, until now. Without me knowing, you took a part in my life.

I didn't realise how close we grew and how I became fond of you. You are special, i understand you and you understand me. You've always asked me how I felt and thought about you. I never said anything, because I was not sure. I knew exactly what i thought about you but I was never sure if they're the right things to say to you. I never really knew the reasons why I was quite mean towards you and never said anything nice, but really I missed you when you never came online. But I kept denying it to myself. For the past few years i've known you, many thing have happened. I had several crushes and breakdowns troughout the years. I don't knwo why, but I felt comfortable telling you all these things because I feel like i've known you all my life. You gave me advice like a big brother and made my laugh like my friend. It helped, i was never really heart broken really. They're just crushes. But by then, you took this little part in my heart already, without me noticing it or i didn't want to.

Now for the first time, I want to write down what I've thought about you all along. At first, I thought you were just another guy from friendster that was trying to flirt with me and stuff. But no, i was very wrong. You were sincere in the way you talk and I felt connected, no wonder i enjoy talking to you so much, we flow.(: You were like my daily routine. You are mature yet lame just like me. You remember everything i ever said and i never appreciated it. You noticed things and you were honest. There were always something in the way you say somethings. Like there's a whole hidden story behind it, and i never bothered to find out. You're a nice guy really, nobody's perfect i know but you're the best i've met. I'm not talking about looks here, I'm talking about your heart and mind. That's my point of view, it maybe true, it maybe not be. No one knows. But there's one thing i'm sure of, i took advantage of you.

After sometime, I found out somethings. I knew why you wanted my email so badly and sent me songs now and then that carry similar meanings and why some of your words carry a hidden story. Right then, I started analysing everything you've said to me, and all the songs. I read through our chats a million times and i remember most things. Like how you've remembered all along. I denied anything that would make me feel attracted to you. So i take up all the coincidences, call it fate and pulled in somebody else but you into my heart time to time. It helped, nothing really surfaced in my heart then, when you were around. When you,somebody who cared for me was around.

It was when you left without a goodbye, that I started to realise things. I realised how you've became an important person in my life. I missed you very badly. I thought about you a lot, i only know. I can go on and on about this guy i like or that hot celebrity, but really at the end of the day, you're only there. Or when i listen to sad songs, your face appears and our vague memories. I don't like talking about you because it brings back memories I may never get back. I keep wondering about what wrong i did to make you cruelly leave me. I can't figure out why, no one could. All the crushes i've had during that time, I realised i was trying to replace you. I was trying to let them take your place in my heart that i never knew about. Several months ago, I decided to just stayed hooked with one guy. It helped for a moment bu t not for long. Even when I'm babbling about him, you're in my mind. People think I don't like you, but seriously it's been you all along. I don't really care what they say, because they've never been into my mind, they only listen to what i say, and i know what's going on in my mind the best. I believe in myself that I've realised that i've fallen for you. Finally.

I knew it for quite sometime, or probably since the day you left. With you, i'd be spectecular. You made me smile differently. I liked that smile on my face. People don't really like it when i talk about you, because they think you're never coming back. I think so too. Why? I've written you a comment which you havent replied. And the other day i sent you an email, and still no reply in my inbox. Unconciously, I'm waitng and waiting.

If you just reply to that letter, it would really clear up a lot of things for me. It would be easier to breathe and I won't think of you so much anymore. There was never a day, when I never thought about you. As I am writing this, our song is playing. I miss you, truely.

Even if you hate me jsut tell me Okay? If you don't want to talk to me after this it's fine too. I just want to know why.

Many think i'm wasting my time waiting for you. I'm not waiting for you to love me. That's for sure. I just want to know why, and that'll be enough for me to move on and let somebody else into my heart. Or let somebody else take your place when i hear sad songs. Because without that reason, I won't to know when to move on. Just help me with this.

But the probability of you not replying is more than half that i have plan B. I'll wait until a certain time, but when it reaches it and there is still no reply, I'll just let you go, and i'll write to you for one and all that if that's what you want, me out of your life, let it be. I can take it.

Whereever you are, I hope you are happy and making the right decisions. I hope you meet somebody very nice. I don't call this love, but I guess it's something close to it. I can feel it. We all hve our own little definition of love, and i guess you gave some meaning for it for me.

I miss you terribly. But i'm happy, and i'm not heart broken.

Love,

Pansy.

2009-02-15T08:22:00.000-08:00

"I think too much, and that's not a good sign.

I just gotta get right out of here."

it has been soo long,

2009-02-10T23:36:00.000-08:00

and thanks mom and dad(:

hello hello dear blog.

i have been away for far too long, i miss you.

It's not because i have nothing to say, i have so much, trust me.

it's just i do not have the time and was too bored to blog basically.

anyways, I'm at school suppose to be doing my F and N coursework, which im not. not in the mood.

Valentine's this saturday! and Ma phyo is coming to visit. woo hoo, cant wait to see her :)

i'm just gonna post some quotes i wrote during the time away from the blog. and plus some pictures of course. (:

"You're running away from me like i'm some kind of a monster and there's nothing i can do about it."

"May be you've found that somebody already. Just like how i've found you."

"I wish we could have loved each other at the same time."

for the remembrance of the three miserable hours alone :S

"you said you love me. but i'm not ready"

"but at the end of the day, all i really want is you and you're not here."

that's gonna be all for now. and my obsession is still there so yeah. but i'm trying so hard not to, so hard.

till then,

pansy.(:

been so long

2009-01-05T07:26:00.000-08:00

If the wizard were to fulfil my wish,
Whether it's between the constant blinking of my eyes,
Or with the random beats of my heart,
Or during my trip to another world in my sleep,
All i really want is to have even just a second with you.

hospital

2008-11-08T05:04:00.000-08:00

I am now in Bangkok and very bored. Haven't done anything exciting or anything at all. All I've done was run around the Hospital campus between the hotel and the hospital getting this and that. I've took care of my mom the whole day and I'm happy. I think she's doing better now but not quite yet and i'll try to take care of her at my best. But you know how sick people can be get irritated very easily so yeah. Anyways, i'm just happy that i can take care of my mom. I'm now very familiar with the hospital and the staffs. And let me tell you there are some very handsome hunks around the campus. :D

I met this korean guy on the plane from Yangon to Bangkok and woooo he looked hot. I mean, out of all the korean i've seen(no offense ot Kim) that are not celebrities, he is by far the hottest guy. Seriously, I kept starring at him like he was some kind of celebrity for some reason. Whatever, I'm never gonna see him again anyways.

And so the gym instructors at the hospital gym makes me speechless. Most people say Thai men are gay but I don't care. They look hot like never before. No i'm not a pervert or anything. I mean which girl won't like the sight of a hot man anyways? I don't like pretending. I don't mind seeing them. Just that i do stupid stuff or trip or do something random infront of them. So thanks to 711 that's right infront of the gym, i get to see those hot gym instructors alot. lol
And my mom wonders why i go to 711 a lot. If she'd read my blog, she'd know why :P

Anyways, I'll blog later, I'm quite tired and bored at the same time. So i'll just save some quotes again. :)

"Everyone is a moon and has a dark side which he never shows to anybody."
- Mark Twain

"You shouldn't have to sacrifice who
you are just because somebody else
has a problem with it."
-Sex and the City

"Sometimes i wish i didn't know the truth; i wish i could live in oblivion. Because then, I'd never know how badly you treated me, and much you hurt me."

"Calenders are becoming my best friend, seeing another day i've survived without you makes me feel proud; but time is my enemy; it's leaving us behind."

"Have you ever been depressed for seriously no reason?
You just don`t feel up for anything.
You don`t want to see anyone or do anything.
You just want to lie in bed & disappear & you have no reason why."

"You make me want to scream and pull my hair out.
& not in a sexual "i want you" kind of way eithe"

"Nobody wants to hear this, but sometimes the person you want most,
is the person you`re best without"

"The most selfish one letter word "I" Avoid it. The most satisfying two letter word "We" Use it. The most poisonous three letter word "Ego" Kill it. The most used four letter word " Love" Value it. The most pleasing five letter word "Smile" Keep it. The fastest spreading six letter word "Rumor" Ignore it. The hardest working seven letter word "Jealously" Distance it. The most powerful nine letter word "Knowledge" Acquire it
The most essential ten letter word "Confidence" Trust it"

"i want a guy who will take me to concerts
and let me gawk over all the lead singers
and still know i love him best"

"You wonder why I don't talk to you anymore
Please believe me when I say it's not that I don't want to,
it's just that everything I want to say,
I can't say to you"

"I think we over think love. There’s all these quotes and sayings about it, trying to explain it, trying to capture it with just a few words. But love is not just a word. Love is a feeling. So don’t try to explain it. Don’t try to figure out what it is. Just feel it."

And that's about it. I miss da gyee tha mee and you know who i don't want to mention.

Till then,
pansy(:

bye bye

2008-10-31T08:54:00.000-07:00

I'm going back to Myanmar tomorrow and I'll be away for about 2months. I'm happy and sad at the same time. Happy because i'll be spending time with my family a lot and sad because I'm leaving behind some people i love here in Singapre. I'll see them again but i'll miss them so much.

Anyways, i'm gonna have fun. and hopefully get my camrea soon. woo hoo :D
and looking forward to the trip with my mom and dad to BKK. and i hope my mom's medical stuff goes well :D

Dear you, I'm gonna miss you.
Love me.

i could, but i wont.

2008-10-29T09:39:00.000-07:00

So this is my plan,
I won't talk to you.
I'll try not to talk about you.
I know I can't hate you so I'll just try not to love you.
I know I'm still very obsessed so I'll try not follow you.

I could, but i won't.
I want to, but i won't.
This is my sacrifice.
I don't want you to love me because i loved you.
If you ever fell in love with me,
I just want it to be simply because you fell for me yourself.
But i don't see that coming soon.
I'd rather want you to not want me for who I am,
then you with me for who i am not.
So this is my sacrifice I'm willing to take.
I'll hold back,
I'll fight this temptation,
All because i don't want to fall too deep this time.

helloo,

2008-10-26T10:40:00.000-07:00

Don't give me a hope,
When you can't cope.
You poke holes in my heart,
And i just want to say please don't.

I promised myself,
That I'll never let you take over me.
I promised myself,
That I won't talk about you when it's not necessary.
I promised myself,
That I won't talk to you on purpose.
But again,
These promises i always break.

I can't stay mad at you,
because you always knew that right words to say.
and i don't think i can hate you in anyway. (:

To be with you

2008-10-21T23:50:00.000-07:00

How time flies. It's like my first day of Sec 3 was yesterday. Sigh, good and bad memories through this school year that i will remember. And hopefully all my classmates will be in my class again next year. :)

Anyways, I've been a total pig lately. I'm half the day on the bed. I seriously should get out.

Last night, I had one of those happy moments i'll always remember.

Hey you,

Last Saturday, I had this awkward moment with you. I was so embarrassed, I didn't know how to start a conversation with you again. And as expected I thought you really hated me then. Like always a bad dream follows. But then surprisingly, the next day after that oh so bad dream, it was one of the best dream i had about you. Seriously, It felt so real and i can't help but smile when i think about it.

So last night, I made up all my courage to start a conversation with you that didn' t sound so awkward but casual. And as always, it worked. yayyy :D

There this part of you that i'm very attracted. This part of you that knows how to go with the flow. Most guys, they don't know how to flow with the way i talk and all. So i usually get annoyed by them and stuff. But with you, how can i get tired of you? You know just the right words to say. Just the right words to bring this awkard yet happy smile on my face. :)

I'm happy with the way we talk and everything and i'm happy with what we are now. I guess we are friends right? But sometimes, being a girl, i can't help but wonder if you'll ever feel the same about me. Sometimes i wonder if you are also this shy person like i am. Strong on the outside, fragile in the inside. I don't really know, but i'm trying to.

I don't expect anything from you but sometimes you give me too much hope. Seriously. I've been noticing your custom message for a week or two now. When we didn't talk for one day you wrote "It hurts", the second day we didnt talk you wrote "it hurts more" and on the third day "you wrote it hurts even more". So i talked to you, and your custom message suddenly changes to something else. Should i wonder something? I don't know. Then again this week, you did the same thing, it's just that we only didnt talk for 2 days, So yesterday i talked to you and guess what, you changed it again. I don't know if it's just pure coincidence or not but this is too much for a girl like me who thinks a lot. Don't do that, really. It's like you're poking holes in my heart.

Then there's one more thing that i hate and love at the same time about you. All the songs you share with me. They're all nice yet carry a message. I wish you'd mean everything those songs were telling me but at the same time, i know you're only showing it to me because they are good but not because of it's lyrics. But sometimes really, the songs makes me think too much. Stop it please.

Lastly, if you're not going to ask me out or anything, don't give hints or anything that might make me get to that subject.
But really, i always hope there's something more you'd say to me.

With each day,
With each word that comes from you,
With each little fact i get to know about you,
With each thoughts about you,
With each twisted fate,
My love for you grows.

I've wonder how to melt your heart of stone,
I know I'm far from perfect,
And I know i'm not the kind of girl you want,
But is it wrong that you're all that i want?

Love,
me.

peace love you

2008-10-20T08:26:00.000-07:00

Dancing butterflies in my stomach,
My heart skipping its beat.
Why? Why do you do this to me?
You, my one and only you.

You are just another person,
yet so different.
I feel like i know you,
yet i feel like i don't.
It seems like you feel the same at times,
yet i can never be sure.
Why? Why do you do this to me?
You, my one and only you.

You won't know how your simple 'hello'
makes my day so beautiful.
You won't know how your silence
drives me insane.
You won't know how your voice
stays forever in my head.
You won't know how my friends can already be your best friend
because you're always in our conversations.
Why? Why do you do this to me?
You, my one and only you.

I think you know how i feel
but i dare not ask.
I always hope you'd say something more
but all i could say was goodbye.
I wish you'd look into my eyes
and knew exactly what i want to say.
But i guess this is too much to ask for
and i hope i had to courage to say.

"It's always been you.
I dream about you.
I constantly annoy people talking about you.
I can't help but notice everything that has to do with you.
I've embarrassed myself infront of you.
I wish i wasn't so tempted by you.
I can go on and on.
But it'll be about you
and how I'm stalking you.
No, I'm just kidding.
So now is the part where i say,
I'm going crazy over you."

I know i'll never say it.
NO, not even close.
I know you'd think i'm a freak.
But I don't really care.
Coz i just want you to see the real me.
Whether you like it or not.
I know we cant force a person's heart.
So all i can do is hope for the day.
The day you'll see how much i care about you.
The day you realie how much i love you and
the day you'll fall in love with me too.

I hope this dream comes trues. :)

the truth

2008-10-19T09:10:00.000-07:00

When i hear your voice,
I am helpless.
When i see your face,
I am hopeless.
When i try to make the first move,
I am useless.

When i want to say i love you,
I am speechless.

for you my dear friend.

2008-10-15T06:06:00.000-07:00

dear friend i haven't heard from you in ages
i wonder how you're making out
last time we talked i felt the space growing
between us
i didn't think you'd go so far
tell me how could you just vanish
without giving me any reasons
what were you thinking
and does this all make sense to you?

it's hard when you dont say anything
when i gave you everything
and still you slip right through my fingers
its hard when you dont say anything
is this how you finish things?
because to me, this doesn't feel like the end.. dear friend

it's not like me to put my trust in somebody
but to you i gave it all
and if you'd asked me i would soften all your falls
but now it's me who's stumbling

tell me how could you just vanish
without giving me any reasons
what were you thinking?
and does this all make sense to you?

its hard when you dont say anything
when i gave you everything
and still you slip right through my fingers
it's hard when you don't say anything
is this how you finish things
cause to me this doesn't feel like the end... dear friend..

So i found this song called Dear friend by Marie Digby. It's a nice song and it means a lot to me. Sometimes, some parts of a song means exactly what i want to say to my "friend" that left without a goodbye. But this song, IT'S EVERYTHING I WANT TO SAY TO HIM. so yeah, i hope he could see this.

Anyways, EXAMS are officially over. :D
Permed my hair today. I'm looking weird but i think i'll get used to it? :S
lol anyways, went out with warisa tommy and paulus yesterday. Had a great time and bought new moon and eclispe :D
Gonna read now. yayy :D

till then,
pansy(:

big bang is love

2008-10-13T00:23:00.000-07:00

One more day to go, woo hoo :D
I spent half the day youtubing big bang videos and i found this very entertaining one. They were acting out these funny parts from coffee prince. So very funny. Watch it. lol

I love big bang :D

so long,
pansy(:

your appearance

2008-10-12T02:09:00.000-07:00

Finally you're back and i am myself again. When you were away, it felt like i was not myself. But you're back and i cant be happier. I saw your new pictures and oh boy how they make me smile to see your happy face. Now you're just trying to make me more tempted. Sigh.

Yesterday, it was just a normal day. I was taking a break from studying and watched some youtube videos. Then suddenly, I missed you, so i changed my display picture to Juno, and on my personal message i wrote *it started with Juno*. And right then, you just had to came online. Great timing -_-

So anyways, as i saw a green dot right beside your name. Butterflies were already dancing around in my stomach, my mind flipped and my heart stopped for a second. I could not breathe. I haven't seen you for a long time, it gave me a shock. I wonder what i'd do if i actually saw you in person. I can only imagine.

I kept staring at your name online on my screen. Your photos in my background, the song playing in my ears and trying to thing to start of the conversation with. I tried so hard to stop myself from telling you how much i've missed you. I know it would be inappropriate since we are not in any kind of relationship to miss each other. So I kept looking at your camera face and having this weird smile on my face. Gue told me we had the same camera look. I wonder how we'd look together. :)

But as the night grew, and your status turned red, i thought i lost my chance of talking to you. Until, you suddenly talked to me. This time you stared, i didnt. I love this part of you that gives me surprises and makes me smile. See how easy it is to make me happy? :)

And little miss sunshine is the second movie i'll always remember.

Love,
me.

amazing humans

2008-10-11T06:42:00.000-07:00

Humans amaze me. Seriously. There are so many reasons why humans amaze me but I'm just going to touch on one point today.Things that humans want. And let the "model" human be me.:)

Humans will always have things they want. Mostly they are non-living things. Such as the latest phone model or the latest whatever. I have them too. Lately i've been waiting for my Canon D60. :)

Sometimes, humans, being the amazing living things they are, they desire something more than those non-living things that everyone wants. Some may desire love, revenge, care, kindness, a boyfriend, kids, husband, wife and etc. The list goes on. I've learn something, human beings are selfish creatures. Some maybe more selfish while some may be less. But they are all selfish creatures, in different ways. Sometimes selfish doesn't always mean bad. We're all just built this way. When you want a boyfriend for example, you're being selfish. The reason is simply because *you* somebody to talk to, *you* want somebody that cares about *you*, *you* want somebody that loves *you*. It's just you you and you. But there's always a give and a take in a healthy relationship so when one person is taking advantage of the other person, the relationship might not really work in most cases.

Back to me, I have a weird/impossible list of wants. Firstly and very badly, i want him. That's not very weird or impossible because at least i know him right? (:

Then i have this huge gigantic obsessions for hot guys in dramas, movies and even books. I tend to fall in love with these characters for the things they say or do in the movies. And yes also because of the way they look. Very huge part. People are selfish in different areas. In my case, I'm selfish in the part where I want somebody who's like those guys I'm obsessed with. This is not a healthy obsession. It's simply because i know i'll never have them but still i long for them. I spend long hours looking at their photos and movies and i even read news about them. The worst part is that i know i will never have anything like them, ever. It's like when we write essays or compos. The grammer may be perfect but if you are writing out of point, what's the use? Similarly, I'm doing everything i can to know about them, but at the end what do i end up with? Disappointments. I should not be took hooked on to this. I should just remember that they are jsut acting out what's on the script, They aren't really like that in reality. Watching them makes me smile and kind of gets my mind off somethings i don't want to think about. It takes me away from reality for a while and i need that sometimes. We all have some kind of drama in our lives. Let it be between families,friends or lovers. But somethings, we can do nothing about but just live with that fact forever. It's a real bad feeling. So an escape from reality by drooling over a hot tv character askign for much? I don't think so. ;)

But what can i do, this is what i love to do and this is what makes me both happy and sad. If i want that happiness, i must be willing to take the consequences that follows. Which in my case the consequences are the never ever fulfilled dream of mine. But someday, i hope i fall in love. Just so that i will stop this obsession. When i mean fall in love, it's when both the guy and the girl are in love with each other. I'm not talking about one sided love. So until then, i'll just continue my miserable days being obsessed with living things i can never get. It's worse than wanting a non living thing.

Call me weird, call me anything. I don't really mind. We all have different things we love and that's just us. For me, one of the things i love to do is daydream. Which in other words mean i'm most of the time in la la land.(:

At the end of the day, we're all that we have, no matter happy or sad, it's our responsibility to make the next move. To take the next step, to make wise choices and learn from our mistakes so that, we'll be able to live our life to the fullest with at least all the happiness we try to save for ourselves. ;)

till then,
pansy.(:

so this is goodbye,

2008-10-09T01:13:00.002-07:00

Every night, I close my eyes, with the hope of hearing from you tomorrow.
When tomorrow came, but you haven't, i waited again in sighs.
But I'm getting tired of this.
I don't get what you're trying do and I'm out of my mind trying to think of a reason why.
A reason why you showed me your cruel side.
A reason why you never said goodbye.
A reason why I deserve this.
A reason why I'm thinking of you.

I'm quite young you know,
not very experienced, not very matured.
So the only reason i could think was quite childish.
But it's the only possible reason right now.
Maybe, you hated me.

There's no one to blame that things turned out the way they did.
I did my part, i asked you how you were.
I waited for your reply, with internal screams every single day.
But i've had enough, I've had enough of this waiting.

So i'll remember our conversations and how you made me laugh.
I'll remember how you found me when i was lost.
I'll remember our short, vague memories.
And i'll cherish them.

You're not here, just when I'm needing you.
This endless waiting is slow torture, like a monologue.
I've been hurt, and I secretly, recovered.
But you weren't here.

I'll find my happiness.
You be happy too,
maybe I'm too late to say this,
but I'm sorry for the *JULY* i gave you, last year.
Maybe this was your revenge, how cruel of you.
But it's okay, I'll be fine, it's a bittersweet world and i don't mind lemons.
So i hope you get the English.(:

For tomorrow, I've hoped.
For the meeting of every tomorrow, I've waited.
For you, I've longed for.
For happiness, I'm letting you go.
So this is my goodbye.

so long,
pansy.(:

so this is goodbye,

2008-10-09T01:13:00.001-07:00

The boy i left behind

2008-10-06T22:43:00.000-07:00

One glance was all it took.
I knew it'd be so good.
One kiss was all it took.
Knew it would feel so good.
I still think about you... I always will
I still think about you, the boy I left behind
I want you for my own.
I want you... for my own.
So far away from you.
(I want you...)
What's a girl meant to do?
(... for my own...)
My thoughts are full of you
(I want you...)
What am I meant to do?
(... for my own...)
I still think about you
I always will
I still think about you, the boy I left behind.

One day I'll find my way back to you
One day I'll find my way back to you
I still think about you
I always will
I still think about you, the boy I left behind.

I want you for my own.
I want you for my own,
I want you for my own.
I want you ...for my own.

and it started with Juno.

2008-10-05T22:00:00.001-07:00

Dear you,

i know what you're thinking. you change too fast pansy. The answer's yes and no. I change my interest in tv characters once in awhile. But i've never lost my interest in you. Why? Because i fell in love with the characters these actors portrayed in the movies. and of course their looks. lol

But what's more important is that, looks don't really matter. I only like those characters they portray in the movies, i didnt actually fall in love with them, as in the real personality and la la. Maybe i will if i really knew them in person. So anyways, what i'm trying to say is, I like everything about you. your looks, the way you talk and the way you do everything. you're more than just another soccer boy to me. (:
i miss you, where have you been?
love, me.

Where'd you go?

2008-10-05T20:47:00.000-07:00

Hello, Just finished Geog paper and tomorrow is Social Studies. Not that much i have to worry about. But the next next day is physics.Hell :(

Anyways i just want to save some quotes again. And i love my new Japanese boyfriend :D
I just read in a blog that Hana Yori Dango is going to be made into a Korean version and i just saw the casts. The guy replacing my japanese boyfriend saddens me, -___- Oh well i'm going to watch it anyways. He saddens me because my japanese boyfriend is much hotter than him. I love you Jun :D

And so i changed my blogskin. Meet my new boyfriend.(:

This looked so much like me i had to post it. lol :D

"so break the rules ; sneak out & stay late ; be a rebel & never get caught ; lifes too short to be good sometimes you just have to take a chance and be willing to make a mistake"

"i'd rather argue with you than kiss someone else"

"it's crazy to think how different
your life would be if you never
met those people that changed everything"

"Laugh when you can,
apologize when you should,
and let go of what you cant change."

"i tear my heart open
i sew myself shut
and my weakness is
that i care too much"

"there's always something more you wish he'd say..."

"&& it breaks my heart to
see how much you've changed"

"You're the guy who makes me run into things
because i'm alway's looking at you = ]"

"I’m surprised that you’ve
never been told before
That you’re lovely
and you’re perfect
And somebody wants you."

"I hate how these dreams
seem like reality & when I wake up,
the first thing I think about is how
much I want you & the second thing
I think about is how you can`t be mine."

"The way i feel about you
i just can't [ e x p l a i n ]
its the way my heart beats
when i hear his name"

"Oh, you see that skin? its the same shes been standing in... Since the day she saw him walking away, and now she's left cleaning up the mess he made." -daughters by john mayer

"i dont want expensive jewlery or candle-lit dinners,
all i want is to be sitting next to you, knowing you want me too."

"sometimes the things you complain most about are the things you care most about. unfortunately, you don't always know that before its too late." - boy meets world

and that's all.
pansy(:

It's hard but i'll be alright.

2008-10-05T03:17:00.000-07:00

Last night i had the worst stomach ache ever. I tried to sleep around 10:30 but i struggled on my bed. There was this pain i could not bare in my stomach. It hurts so much i was i could not sleep still. I was moving all over my bed and trying to grasp something in my hand. I had to take hold of something anything so i was squeezing my blanket. I kept switching my air con on and off. It was the worst pain ever and before i realized it, it was already midnight and i still could not sleep.

I wanted to scream my head off but didn't want to wake up the father and daughter in the other room. I tried to stay calm, I even tried meditating. Nothing helped. So i decided to take pills to fall asleep. I know i know, i promised my mom i won't take anymore pills to make me fall asleep but i could not help it. I searched for it but soon i found out my mom threw all of them away. Sigh.

So i decided to ask for help. I heard some sounds from the TV so probably they(the father and daughter) would be still awake. I got out of my bed, merely standing, i walked out. I asked her if she had some kind of medicine. So she gave me some, so i took them and went back to my bed. But it still didnt work. I felt like going to the toilet every 5 minutes. Even when i was in the toilet, nothing happens. So i stopped going to the toilet and tried to endure the pain on my bed. Many thoughts came into my mind then. Stupid thoughts really. I wonder what if i died right then? It was out of the question but i really felt like it. So to get my mind off my stomach, i opened my laptop to watch some funny/romantic drama or something. Nothing helped.

So by then it was aroudn 2. Someone knocked on my door, it's either the father or the daughter, so i went to open. The daughter came to give me a bottle of warm water and told me not to drink cold water anymore. That's when i realized, i ate the wrong things. So i drank the warm water and tried to sleep again. Not long after that, the father came and asked me if i was okay and told me not to hesitate knocking on their door if anything happens. He told me to keep myself warm and drink warm water and not to eat spicy food. Suddenly i felt touched somehow.

I've been feeling this loneliness lately like i have no one to depend on if anything happens. I'm 15 and i live on my own. I've been doing tht since i was 14. I have to say i'm quite fine living on my own, doing grocery shopping,paying bills and just staying in this whole HDB alone. The father and daughter leaves the house around 9 in the morning and only gets home aroudn 11 at night which means im on my own. The loneliness makes me talk to myself in my mind of course. I kept on dailing my mom and dad's numbers on my phone. I want to talk to them i miss them. I miss the annoying little things my lil sisters do to me. And the irritating little brother whom i wished i hated but i love. I miss them.

My mom goes on and on about how i should be this and that and that i should study more and blah blah, You know moms. But without her, with all this freedom i have to do anything i want, i feel like doing nothing. I feel guilty when i'm going to do something that my mom probably don't like. By far she's the most important person to me, and i don't want to disappoint her anymore.

And then there's my dad. I'm not that close to him. He don't know me like my mom knows me. That's quite obvious as girls usually tend to be closer with their moms. I don't usually or never talk to him about how i feel about something or things i want. When i talk to him, i just listen,comment,nod and try to do whatever he wants me to. It's like a stranger talk, and i want t stop them. I'm changing dad, i am. I'll make you proud someday. I know i take advantage of you dad, and i'm sorry, i'll make it up to you someday. You're a person that tells other to do things, you're no scared of anyone, you get things your way, and you do whatever you want to. But with your children, you're a completely different person. You're this man who loves his children and willing to do anything for them regardless of the things we do. no matter what you do, you're that greatest dad i can ask for. I'm proud to be your daughter. and i love you dad.

My sisters, how can i ever live without them. They're annnoying i tell you. VERY annoying but i love them to bits. And they fill in my loneliness and i just miss them so so much. I love you all.
I have this little brother who's actually my cousin but has been living with me since he was born. Long story. He's irritating and oblivious. He's naughty and lame but not stupid. But you know what, regardless of all those trouble he caused me, I love him and i forgive him. Because i see this boy inside of him, this boy who wants to make my parents proud, this boy who's filled with love and compassion. So brother, go for it. :)

So anyways, yesterday i encountered a little act of kindness. It was a small thing but it made me happy somehow to know that there are people unrelated to me that actually cares about me. Thank you.(:

Love and care is actually a big part in our lives. I'm talking about family love, not the boyfriend girlfriend love. That bf gf love, is quite rare really. Who doesnt want a soulmate right? everyone does, it's just that not everyone's the lucky child. But we're all born into a family, and no matter what they do and what we do, we'll always be a family. I've realised that. I don't have that richest of family and i don't have any royal blood or anything special in my family. But i'm proud to be a part of the family i'm in.(:

Such a long post, i'm gonna go rock geography tomorrow ;)
pansy.(:

Delays

2008-10-03T12:08:00.000-07:00

I'm supposed to be going crazy as my final year papers are starting this coming monday. But no, i'm happily watching movies soooo relaxed. :S

I should not be. Oh well, i'll start studying tomorrow.(:
Just finished watching Hana Yori Dango. Season 1 and 2. I watched the finale movie with Gue last Tuesday. And let me tell you i'm obsessed yet again.(:
I should have been obsessed with it since long ago but i was not into jdrama so yeah, blame me.:S

Anyways, i just wanted to save some quotes again.(;

"and it was pretty clear that it was hardly love"

"i try to fool myself.
i try to pretend i want someone else.
but deep down, i know that i've always
wished for you."

"you want the truth?
here it is
i miss you.
i need you.
i love you"

"we used to be friends you know,
once upon a time when i was
good enough for you"

"When he's not around
there's something missing in her smile"

somehow, these quotes remind me of someone, not my soccer boy. And by the way, why arent you back yet? I miss you. :(

i should probably sleep now,
pansy.(:

Ignorance,

2008-09-30T10:47:00.000-07:00

I don't hate you.

I don't love you.

But you meant something to me.

No, i don't cry over you.

Why would i?

All you ever did was made me smile.

Until, you suddenly decided to block me out of your life.

Without a goodbye, without a reason.

You were my friend, a very treasured one.

But i'm fine without you, i'm happy.

Somehow, i can't let you go.

Somehow, i can't let go of the fact that you ignored me without a reason.

You are his friend, a friend of somebody i care a lot about.

All of this, sums up to one word that i want to say,

WHY????

if i ever had the courage, i'd go up and ask right into your face.

I'd tell you everything i wanted to say.

You left too soon, i had so much left to say. No, you're not dead so just stop this freak show and relieve this pain inside of me.

It hurts so badly, i hve so much internal screams i cant let go.

I don't like talking about you because it brings back beautiful memories of us that i can never get back.

I miss talking to you, I really do.

Can we just stop this? please?

When i told you, that at one point, everyone's going to hurt me in one way or another.

You said, yeah they will, but i won't, believe me that, because you're like my sister.

Bullshit, seriously, you think this is not hurting me? you think this is not called hurting?

Whatever you've done, I would still smile at you when i see you, i would still talk to you nicely if you ever talked to me again.

But inside, there would be so much internal screams and i just know, things aren't going to be like they used to be. And it sucks.

Ily ihy urghhh.

pansy

The truth about you.

2008-09-30T10:34:00.000-07:00

I enjoy life,

I smile,

I have fun,

and I am happy.

I'm over you.

I forgave you.

I hate you.

I don't want you.

I don't care what you did.

But seriously, who am i kidding?

Day Thirty Six

2008-09-29T08:14:00.000-07:00

Things post is entirely dedicated to my one and only you.

It's been thirty six days since i last talked to you. And tomorrow, hopefully i'll see your face. IF my calculations were correct, i hope they are. Even if they were, how the hell am i going to *accidentally* bump into you? who am i kidding?

Anyways, I missed you today and came up with some quotes of my own. Deep from my soul and straight from the corner of my heart that longs for you.(:

"Sing me a song and i'll sing it back to you. I could sing it on my own, but what would it be without you?"

"And i'll combine all the lyrics of each song, that made me think of you. And i'll sing i to you, my one and only you in my always-a-dream, dream."

"I think i love you or maybe it's teenage hormones. A lot of them"

"The first time i saw you,
you were just another boy,
Then i got to know you,
you seemed quite cool.
Then i saw you again,
for the second time.
and somethings have changed.
You looked amazing
and my heart chased.
What if i told you how i felt,
Would you feel the same?
But let me tell you this,
you make me splatter out stupid things,
and i don't even mind. Stupid me."

"I've got a mind-clotting,butterflies fluttering, mind numbing, heart chasing,over the moon,snow white and the prince,white stripes, crush on you."

"Sometimes, i wish i was pretty. Just to get your attention"

that's all for now. I have missed you so so much. And if you cared to read my blog, i have no doubt why you would not figure out how i feel about you. If you did not by then, oh boy, you are worse than me. But i still love you don't worry. :D

I wished to see you at the airport tomorrow at 11:11pm. :D

love you to bits,
me.

Day Thirty Four

2008-09-27T08:30:00.000-07:00

So yesterday, before i went la la la over leprechauns, I watched the other Boleyn girl. It was a great show and i enjoyed it a lot.

After watching it, i went to search more about it. That was how hooked i was to it. So after some research, i found out it was a true story. Even though in the movie, there were some things done to make it all interesting. But still it's pretty much a true story. And yes after that movie i wanted to learn more about it.

So here's some info about king Henry and the Boleyn girls. After reading some history about it on the net and watching the movie, im going to put it in my own words.(:

The two girls were Anne Boleyn and Mary Boleyn. It all started when Mary got married. On the very same day, King Henry VIII's first wife, Catherine, had a miscarriage. She had a lot of miscarriages and she was unable to give birth to a boy, a successor. The King was frustrated and the uncle(i dont care what his name is) of the Boleyn girls thought of a foolish idea in my opinion.

He told the Boleyns that in these times, the king would need some pleasure. Yes, pleasure. :S
So then, he invited the Boleyns to a ball. Then the king came and told Mary to come to his room that night. And you know what follows.

Mary was married already but as it was the King, she could not deny. After some months, she gave birth to a baby boy. But by then, the King wanted Anne, already. But Anne refused to give herself to him as she did not want to become a mistress like her sister. Why? because a mistress is known as a whore and the baby boy would be known as the bastard.

After a while when Anne saw that the king was desperate to have her, she demanded taht she will only give herself to him if she became the Queen. How pathetic and selfish of her. Mary on the other hand was sent away. I pity her. This is where things get excitting.

The king had to annul the marrige with Catherine but it was not easy. I don't really get it why so im not going to spend my time on it. So yeah let's say they got divorced and it was when England seperated with the Roman Catholic Church. I don't want to go into detail on this.

So when Anne became the Queen, she was quickly pregnant and gave birth to a baby girl, Elizabeth I. By then the king was already fed up with her because of her continuous nagging and blah blah. Still, she got pregnant with another child. LOL.

This time it was a miscarrige. In fear of tellign the king about it. She decided to get pregnant with another man and act as if it was the king's baby. So she chose her own brother, George Boleyn, to do the honours. Somehow the king found out about it and Anne was beheaded at last. The brother was beheaded aswell. But what others did not know except Anne,Mary and George was that they never did it. They could not. Thank god.

After that Mary remarried to a soldier i think adn went to live in the country side. King Henry VIII remarried 4 more times. Guys.

After The king's death, Elizabeth I, Anne's daughter, became the queen. (:

I left out so mnay points but this is an over veiw of it. I'm gonna learn more about it. Im a official history freak now. And im proud to say it :D

So anyways, i just watched teh F1 RACE. and I AM IN LOVE WITH LEWIS HAMILTON. He's like the only hottest racer ever. :D

He is definitely added to my potential boyfriend list :D

im gonna watch probably another history movie about england now. Call me a nerd, a freak, i don't mind :D

till then,
pansy(:

Day Thirty Three

2008-09-26T08:44:00.000-07:00

The magical legend of the leprechauns

The magical legend of the leprechauns is not a kiddish movie first of all. But it is fantasy and an imagination-less person would think that this movie is unrealistic and probably bad.
However for me, a very over the top imagination-ful person, it is a very great movie :D

I watched this a couple of years ago, about 6 years ago to be exact. It was produced in 1999 and i caught the movie on hallmarks. It was very nice. I loved the soundtrack, the scenery and the characters. They are so damn cute! :D

It's basically a love story between a leprechaun and a fairy princess. I can't remember all the parts but i'm sure there were some very remarkable once. Heyy i watched this ages ago, don't blame me for forgetting it. :D

Anyways, today, i suddenly remembered it. But i forgot the name. :S
the only thing i could think of when i wanted to find that movie was that Woopi Goldberg was in it. So yeah, having soo much time, i went to find out every single Woopi goldberg movie until i finally found it. :)

The story didn't end there, i found it, i found the link to watch it, i took my snacks and was ready to start to only find out the movie was translated to chinese with subtitle. -_______-

Grghhh, i want to watch is so badly. SO i just watched some short clips of it in youtube and it urged me more. :(

Day Thirthy One

2008-09-24T03:38:00.001-07:00

HAHA :D

I think i screwed up physics as expected. But still i want to pass so badly. :(
Anyyywayyys, i found many many icons of edward cullen. :D
Yay yay.

so here are some quotes and icons. I dun feel like writing now. I DO have a lot of things i need to say.

"I remember one morning getting up at dawn, there was such a sense of possibility. You know that feeling? And I remember thinking to myself, so, this is the beginning of happiness. This is where it starts. And of course there will always be more. It never occurred to me it wasn't the beginning. It was happiness. It was the moment. Right then."

"I can't sleep at night because I feel that there is so much to do and fix and change in the world, and I wonder every day if I am making a difference and if I will ever express the greatness within me, or if I will remain forever paralyzed by muddled madness inside my head. I've wept on every birthday I've ever had because life is huge and fleeting and I hate certain people and certain shoes and I feel that life is terribly unfair and sometimes beautiful and wonderful and extraordinary but also numbing and horrifying and insurmountable and I hate myself a lot of the time. The rest of the time I adore myself and I adore my life in this city and in this world we live in. This huge and wondrous, bewildering, brilliant, horrible world."

AND i want to nap, so bye bye :D

Day Thirty

2008-09-23T07:30:00.000-07:00

I was bored okay. :D

Physics tomorrow, huuuuuuuuu~
Please, let me pass. Please please please :D

Anyways, i just listened to a song that kind of relate to what i want to say to him. So yeah my favourite parts of the song are below. Enjoy.(:
Next to you - Jordin Sparks Two 'o clock and I wish that I was sleeping
You're in my head like a song on the radio
All I know is that I got to get next to you
Yeah I got to get next to you
Sitting here turning minutes into hours
To find the nerve just to call you on the telephone
You don't know that I got to get next to you

Maybe were friends
Maybe were more
Maybe it's just my imagination
But I see you stare just a little too long
And it makes me start to wonder
So baby call me crazy
But I think you feel it too
Maybe I, Maybe I Just got to get next to you
What a fool, I got to get next to you, whoa
Yeah it's five in the morning and I can't go to sleep
'Cause I wish, yeah I wish that you knew what you mean to me
Baby let's get together and end this mystery, oh

I miss you and I cant wait to see you.
Gue says i have so much teenage hormone. She says that's why i'm going through all this. Whatever it is, i like you and that's all it matters. Sometimes i get tired of being obsessed with someone. It's so tiring.
But again, i cant stop either.
Not now, not if my obsession is with you.(:

till then,
pansy(:

Thinking of you

2008-09-20T22:58:00.000-07:00

Comparisons are easily done
Once you've had a taste of perfection
Like an apple hanging from a tree
I picked the ripest one
I still got the seed

You said move on
Where do I go
I guess second best
Is all I will know

Cause when I'm with him
I am thinking of you
Thinking of you
What you would do if
You were the one
Who was spending the night
Oh I wish that I
Was looking into your eyes

You're like an Indian summer
In the middle of winter
Like a hard candy
With a surprise center
How do I get better
Once I've had the best
You said there's
Tons of fish in the water
So the waters I will test

He kissed my lips
I taste your mouth
He pulled me in
I was disgusted with myself

Cause when I'm with him
I am thinking of you
Thinking of you
What you would do if
You were the one
Who was spending the night
Oh I wish that I
Was looking into...

You're the best
And yes I do regret
How I could let myself
Let you go
Now the lesson's learned
I touched it I was burned
Oh I think you should know

Cause when I'm with him
I am thinking of you
Thinking of you
What you would do if
You were the one
Who was spending the night
Oh I wish that I
Was looking into your eyes
Looking into your eyes
Looking into your eyes
Oh won't you walk through
And bust in the door
And take me away
Oh no more mistakes
Cause in your eyes I'd like to stay...

Day Twenty Eight

2008-09-20T21:52:00.000-07:00

About 9 more days and i won't have to go through this anymore. I miss you, more than you will ever know. And i just want to be with you. I hope there were possibilities between us. The possibility of love that is. Maybe you are only going to be my teenage love, I don't know. What i know, aiming for forever is beyond my reach. Or maybe you'll be more than my teenage love. But right now, in this phase of my life, you're the one. You make me nervous and make my palms sweat. And i've never missed anyone as much as i do now. I mean i miss my family but, i've never missed a stranger this much.(:

And seriously, you suck at figuring out how i feel about you.

Love,
me.

Day Twenty Six

2008-09-19T02:14:00.000-07:00

I don't really feel like blogging now. But i do have things to say so maybe later.(:
Anyways, Just wanted to make this another quotes post.(:

"i believe in karma. What you give is what you
get returned. I believe you can't appreciate real
love until you've been burned. I believe the grass
is greener on the other side. I believe you don't
know what you've got until you have to say goodbye."

"Fall in love or fall in hate. Get inspired or be depressed. Ace a test of flunk a class. Make babies or make art. Speak the truth or lie and cheat. Dance on tables or sit in the corner. Life is devine chaos. Embrace it. Forgive yourself. Breathe. And enjoy the ride..."

"My palms were sweaty, and my heart
grew big. My leg, my leg was shaking. How
badly I wanted you with me. You came to
me and said "This could be something."
I'll take something over nothing anyday."

" There's one thing a quote does that nothing and no-one else can do; it can become a part of you. You may never meet the person who said it, but that person is now a companion. Quotes help you get over pain. Feel loved. Make you smile & laugh and help you through
those tough days when you think no-one else knows what you're going through"

"I know that each and every one of you have felt, at one point, like you can't go on. But then you found hope. There's always some way to find hope. Just remember that."

"Dreams are always crushing when they don't come true.
But it's the simple dreams that are often the most painful
because they seem so personal, so reasonable, and so attainable.
You're always close enough to touch, but never close enough
to hold. & it's enough to break your heart. "

And last but not least, this is for *you* (:

"It's when I'm standing six feet away from you,
and not being able to find the words to tell you
how much I love you and how much I miss you,
that I just want to scream to the whole room
that I'm in love with you."

So that'll be all for now.

gonna nap.(:

Day Twenty Four

2008-09-16T07:35:00.000-07:00

I found out something quite strange today. It may not seem strange to others but it is to me.
I was sitting in SS class today, bored as usual since the Mr.Ugly Chen kept on going and going about i don't know what. So i stared at the sear Mr.Hot Chen used to sit. And as i was looking, my eyes went to the table and WAMMM! i saw the twilight book!!!!! MR.UGLY CHEN READS TWILIGHT!.

Okay, It sounds so normal for a person to read. But out of all the books, why that book? And out of all the people, why does he read it? And at this time, when i have a big obsession for it, he reads it. And lastly, just when i was not happy with him replacing my favourite teacher, he had to read my favourite book. Hmmph, :S

Anyways, this is a *i find it quite funny* SMS between me and Gue during SS class :

Me: Mr.ugly chen reads twilight! omg
Gue: lol, Ugly Chen's interest isn't that far from your's after all. :) Who knows, he might even collect twilight icons.
Me: lol, we can totally be twilight buddies.
Gue: And you both go watch twilight in December adn let it be your first date. :P
Me: Oouch! i would rather die! Such a boring person, even if he looked like edward cullen I would not go out with him.
Gue: How about if he looked like *the soccer boy*? :)
Me: He maybe what i need, but *the soccer boy* is who i want. No one is like my soccer boy, no one can replace him. :)

AND AND a little comment by Erni : Erm...so..if he looks like soccer boy but acts like Mr.Danny and speaks like C ( the guy you need to marry..hehe) HE would be a perfect person for you honey :P

But Erni, seriously, i would choose my soccer boy over anybody. Trust Me. :D

Dear you,
Notice me please, i'm starting to get the love disease.(:
love,
me.

SO anyways, gonna sleep.
Till then,
pansy(:

Day Ninteen

2008-09-11T04:00:00.000-07:00

I would get straight As :D

Had a very tiring day so i don't feel like writing.
Just wanted to save my quotes again.(:

Hey you, I miss you. Don't worry, i haven't forgotten about you. I'd choose you even if *Prince Caspian* fell in love with me. Which i doubt it very very much. :D I miss your haha :D love, me.

So here goes the quotes. (:

"It's easy to be cynical. Especially today, when it looks like all our heroes are crooks, our role models frauds. Every now and again, however, when you least expect it, the real thing comes along: someone who can find the heart inside the cynic and give those who hold nothing sacred something to believe in. It's not always easy telling the good from the bad, even if you do get tomorrow's paper today. Why, is why. Sometimes, to find the answers, you have to look in your heart."

"Fear isn't so difficult to understand. After all, weren't we all frightened as children? Nothing has changed since Little Red Riding Hood faced the big bad wolf. What frightens us today is exactly the same sort of thing that frightened us yesterday. It's just a different wolf. This fright complex is rooted in every individual."

"I don't know, I think that if I could just accept the fact that my life is supposed to be difficult, You know, that that's to be expected, then I might not get so pissed-off about it and I'll just be glad when something nice happens."

"All I'd ever wanted was to forget. But even when I thought I had, pieces had kept emerging. Like bits of wood floating up to the surface that only hint at the shipwreck below. A pink shirt, a rhyme with my name. The feeling of hands on my neck. Because that's what happens when you try to run from the past. It doesn't catch up, it overtakes. Blotting out the future, the landscape, even the very sky, until there's no path left except that which leads through it. The only path that can ever get you home."

"The past is our definition. We may strive,
with good reason, to escape it, or to escape
what is bad in it, but we will escape it only
by adding something better to it."
-Wendell Berry

"When I say "romantic," I mean a sensibility that sees everything, and has to express everything, and still doesn't know what the fuck it is, it hurts that bad. It just madly tries to speak whatever it feels, and that can mean vast things. That sort of mentality can turn a sun-kissed orange into a flaming meteorite, and make it sound like that in a song. "

okay that is all.(:

till then,
pansy.(:

Thank you Erni :D

2008-09-10T07:18:00.000-07:00

I know i just wrote a veryyy long post but i forgot something. My favourite teacher's name was Mr.Chen. So when he left, another teacher came. another Mr.Chen. Huuuuuu~
He is so very different and made me sleep. But at points while he was babbling, somethings annoyed me. And i don't wnat to mention. All i did the whole lesson was look at Erni to make weird faces and look at the empty seat where he was sitting just yesterday. Sigh, i am attracted to blur blur gay kind of people.(:

Read this and you know how bored Erni was :
Dedicated to pansy(:

"My name is Erni Muliani. I am studying in Ping Yi Secondary School. One of my teachers that is teaching me is called Mr. Chen. He teachesme Social Studies. Since Madam Choo, our former SS teacher, or the *Real teacher* went for maternity leave. (:
Before him, there was another Mr. Chen. He was Danny Chen that my classmate, Pansy liked the best. She lost one Mr.Chen but gained another. Me, my second Mr.Chen, like saying words like *wack!*, *die die must do* and many more.
He said, *SS is like maths, you do well in maths, you will do well in SS*
Gurleen then said, *NONSENSE*. There are lots of differences between Mr.Bernard Chen and Mr.Danny Chen. I pity pansy. He said Mr.Danny as Mr.Daniel at 12.26pm on wednesday. 10th septemter 2008. How annoyed can Pansy get?"

Yes veryy annoyed and i corrected him when he said the name wrongly.
Urrghh, okay im gonna sleep.
Pansy.(:

Day Eighteen

2008-09-10T06:14:00.000-07:00

Hello People :D

I need to blog about something or I will not be happy. lol
I have so much fate you know. With people i meet and everything.

It all started 2 weeks ago when my SS teacher went for maternity leave. There was a replacement teacher and he was weird, at first impression. But when i thought about it, SS class was not out first meeting. It was during the Amaths CA paper a week before that. :D
Okay, this was our first meeting.

ME:teacher, do you have foolscap for us?
Him: Umm, you guys need? They never gave me.
ME:yeah, we need. *smiles*
Him: Err...*Don't know what to say*
ME:nevermind, we can get our own.
Him: Umm, who's the monitor? *looking at me*
ME: umm, me? *akward*
Him:you watch the class i go get the papers.
(ran outside)
ME: NO no, we can get our own one. can we start now?
Him: oh really? you got it? okay then, start.

Not a very good impression. Blur Blur person.

The second time was during my first SS lesson with him. How do i describe the first moment i saw him sitting in that room. Hmmph, okay how about...him again? oh god. yes, that was exactly it. Fivly knows it all since she sits right beside me. Oh guess what, my seat is right beside him.(:

So anyways, that day he just asked me to pass around worksheets for us to do so i did. and guess what he just sat there and did nothing. No no, he did shake is leg, like a lot. And so we did our worksheets and suddenly, in our conversation;

Fivly: Pansy, ask him when we are going get back out test papers.
ME: NO i don't want to talk to him, you know what happen during the Amaths papers.
Fivly:LOL, okay then. but please? :D
Me: NO,
then we just continued talking and at one point, i turned my head towards him and started to say:
ME: teacher, when are we getting back out test papers? *fivly laughing in the background*
Him:maybe next lesson.
ME: but it's tomorrow.
Him:Oh is it? okay.
i stopped lookng at him then, but he still continued to talk.
Him:I think i marked them alrdy, 302 Right?
ME:yeah.
Him: yeah yeah i marked it,
ME:okay, good.
Him: about 9 failed. and the highest was 21.
ME: umm okay, in my mind *can you run down to get the paper and show us alrdy?*

Then, i started to see some similarity between my soccer boy and him. The way their eyes move and he hand gestures and all that. I kept looking at him for that reason and i told fivly about how funny he looked. We kept laughing at his forever moving legs. NOw, here is another akward moment, we had the same position of sitting and putting our head on our hand at that moment.
Fivly: LOl, pansy he's looking at you.
Me: *weird smile*
I looked at him through my hands and then i realised that look my soccer boy gave me the first time we met. So not helping me. :S

By then, i was kind of attracted to him, because of all those akward moments.
The next day, i was so excited to go to class. Trust me :D
That day, my goal was to ask his name. LOL, and i did. :D
Again, he asked me to distribute the papers so as i did, Erni asked evryone to stand up to greet him and i quickly ran back to him and asked *teacher, what's your name?* he replied laughing *you can call me Mr.chen*, blehhh grandfather name.
That day, we talked more and he's so nice to talk with until Paulus stopped our conversation. Thank you so much. :S
Oh yeah, we got back our papers, Got a 20 so yayyy :D
He came to our table and leaned towards my desk in a very rough manner, me and fivly could nout resist from laughing. Do you know how lame he was? He was reading the last paragraph of question 2 reffereing to the first paragraph of question 1. -___- I didnt say anything and just listened, :)

After that, one week break, and by then, he was known as my favourite teacher and i could not wait for another class with him.(:
I was so excited the whole week that somehow the whole class knew that he was my favourite teacher. Lol, who cares lah.(;
So on tuesday morning i was so excited to go to school and i was all so cheery :D
When i came out of my first class, i saw him and he nodded and smiled at me. Guess what, Erni started laughing very loudly. So get the english? :S
Then, went to his class and found out he found a job already. -_______-
i was the saddest person trust me. You could totally see that in my face, maybe he did too. But that day we all talked with him a lot. Which was nice. Adn finally found out his real name. The wierd part was his name was the same as the character in the movie i watched the night before.
Okay, here is a funny conversation between us.

Me:Seriously, i dont like that school.
HIM:why?
Me: umm, nerdy students, nerdy teachers and a scary building. SO the bottom line is i don't like it.
HIm: But seriously, good men are there. You should marry someone from there when you grow up.
*akward moment* and i wanted to say "oh can i marry you then?" but i didnt. lol

There were more, but i'd rather keep it to myself. Guess what, he uses my soccer boy's phone.(:
So i loved our farewell conversation and hoped that i will see him again. Which i doubt it. BUt anyways, more similar things coming.
Once i got home that day, i quickly frdster him.(i am such a stalker)
So i saw that he was also a Leo and likes movies that my soccer boy likes.(:
He kind of made my time pass while missing somebody. SO i guess a thank you for helping me be happy for a while? :)

So this is for you my-once-SS-teacher-who-don't-being-called-one,
All the best at your work and I would love to see you again. :D
I am such a freak.

So yeah that's all,
phewwww,
pansy(:

ily ihy soccer urghhh.

2008-09-07T05:58:00.000-07:00

I've had many crushes and some of them were better looking than the guy i'm obsessed with now. But somehow i've never ever missed anyone of them as much as i miss him now. Just to think about it, i don't even see him that much or talk to him. But still,those little moments i shared with him has been the most amazing ones yet.(:

I don't think i'm in love just yet but i sure like him a lot.

Dear you,
Maybe you know or maybe you don't. But even if you do, please don't ignore me.(:
I miss seeing your *haha :D*. I hope you are enjoying yourself.
love,
me.

Now, some more quotes i just wanted to save here.(:

I don't want a broken heart
`cause I'll lose the pieces.
-lil wayne

I`m always a mess. I can never keep my own secrets. I laugh too hard at stupid things. My favorite songs can make me cry. I always watch for 11:11, but i miss it more than i notice it. I live in the past, in the memories i have with the people i love. I hate thinking about reality & i`m so homesick that it`s not even funny. But not homesick in a missing my house kind of way..maybe it`s more like heartsick for all the things that i can`t get back. It`s hard for me to define myself..I guess i`m just a cliche--the girl who loved too hard & didn`t get anything in return. i don`t want to be the heroine in some tragic love story, i just want the one person who has never given me a second thought.

I never asked for it to be over.
Then again, I never asked for it to
begin. That's the way it is with life,
some of the most beautiful days come
completely by chance. But even the most
beautiful days have their sunsets.

i've only grown stronger because that's what every
step gave me. my life may becomplicated,
but complication is what made me.

We live the life of an unfinished novel, still waiting to be written. Depending on how long we live, the longer the chapters. Depending on how interesting we are, the more we appeal to others. We're often judged by our covers. Sometimes, some people decide to just quit reading us. We're just forgotten until someone finds us. Our characters can develop throughout the novel, but our chapters can never be edited.

You deserve the right kind of love, the kind of love that makes you happy, the fantastic love that's in books and movies. Even if you aren't together forever, you'll want to look back and never regret falling in love with him. That's the kind of love we all deserve.

okay that's all, i'm getting sleepy,
till then;
pansy(:

Day Fifteen

2008-09-06T21:17:00.000-07:00

School's opening back tomorrow. huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu~
And in 3 weeks time, finals are here! I need to do well for physics this time round. I hate you and love you at the same time. :S

Anyways, i don't have much to write, mom and my sister went out today but i stayed home to study. So i should do that i guess. lol

And yeah i think he saw his picture on my display picture the other day. -_______-
But who cares if he saw it, it's better that he knows anyways. (:

Alritey, i'm gonna go eat first then study. :D

Dear you,
I miss you so very much. Did you see it? Or somebody stepped on your glasses at that time? I hope so. Take care
Love,
me.

till then,
pansy(:

Day Thirteen

2008-09-04T04:12:00.000-07:00

Oh shit, Oh shit Oh shit :S

I think he saw his picture on my display picture. -___________-

Day Eleven

2008-09-02T10:20:00.000-07:00

Huuuuuuuuuuuuuu~~

I had a very very tiring day. First woke up late to get to my basketball camp. When i got to the meeting point, my teacher wasn't there to lead us to the place. So we walked around for half an hour finding that place. Got there and oh boy, the training was so very tiring.

I was sick yesterday but for my love for basketball i endured it. But now today, i injured my leg and the sickness is still there so all i can do is rest at home for tomorrow. Unwillingly.

Most of the time, i'm drowned in my book. *Twilight* yes i'm finally reading it. AND i love love it. :D

Anyways, mom coming tomorrow. WOO HOO :D

Something quite strange happened today. I dreamt about the not to mention person. Gue, when i woke up, you shud have seen my face. -_________-

Anyways, i have no mood to write but gonna post some quotes so that i can get back to them soon :D

Dear you,
i miss you so much. I nearly felt like crying today, i don't know why. The book i've been reading, sounds so much like you and me. It's just that you're not a vampire. Or are you? haha :D
love,
me.

"Sometimes I feel like there's a hole inside of me, an emptiness that at times seems to burn. I think if you lifted my heart to your ear, you could probably hear the ocean."

" When I see you, the world stops. It stops and all that exists for me is you and my eyes staring at you. There's nothing else. No noise, no other people, no thoughts or worries, no yesterday, no tomorrow. The world just stops, and it is a beautiful place, and there is only you. Just you, and my eyes staring at you."

"Just because somebody flirts with you
Doesn't mean they like you.
Just because somebody likes you
Doesn't mean they want to go out with you.
Just because somebody goes out with you
Doesn't mean they love you.
Just because somebody loves you
Doesn't mean they won't hurt you.
Because people lie & things change.
Boyfriends cheat, best friends leave,
& there will always be those people
That would kill to see you fall."

And that is all, i'm gonna continue watching Que Sera Sera since i cant fall asleep yet.

P.S. pansy you should study.

till then,
pansy(:

Day Five

2008-08-28T01:53:00.000-07:00

Because i miss you

Tired day. But good to know that i passed Science. That is such a relief. (:
Don't feel like going to school tomorrow but i will for the sake of looking at Mr.Chiu getting the best hair award.haha,(:
Can i write a long post? I bet i can. So here goes.(:

Today, my english teacher read us a story. The title was "Reach for the flower". It's actually a children's book. And how do i know that? Because i read it last year around this time, at Kinokunia.(however you spell it.[:) For those of you, who knows my friendster, the book's is one of the pics. Since it was last year, i guess it's at the very end of my photo albums. =]

When i read it last year, i loved it, it somehow gave me hope. But i have long forgotten about it until today. Although it's a children's one, it carries such a deep meaning really. I recommend everyone to read it. It's short and enjoyable. :D

Anyways, after that Mr.Cher talked to us about love, life and la la. Somethings she said were quite true. It made me realise something.

Good times come and good times go just like that. Happy times will end, sad times may come, happy times may come back, they may not. My point here is simply that, nothing lasts forever. They just don't. So cherish those times you love while they last and when sad times come, look back at them and be happy that they once happened in your life. After all, memories are all that we can keep.

Today, surprisingly, the word "love" has been on my mind. I usually don't like to use it, since i seriously don't know what it's about.(: But I'm sure it's a feeling. Just like any other feeling, i believe love can fade away at some point or another. It's quite a destiny i must say if 2 strangers reach to "till death do us apart" stage. Maybe it's possible, i don't know. I'm not even in love yet, as far as i know. I do have a big obsession on someone right now. Obviously, but I'm not going to take that risk to say that I'm in love, just yet. Feelings are just temporary. Do they become permanent? Maybe they do, or maybe not. I have absolutely no idea.(:

I used to believe love existed. It was all because of these two couples around me. They seemed so perfect for each other. Don't usually get into fights, understand each other and care for each other. They were my ideal couple. If i had a boyfriend one day, i told myself, i'll definitely try to be like them. Oh one day i found out, their feelings just faded away. I was the saddest person, trust me. I kept asking myself, why why why?? One couple lasted for 4 miserable years and the other couple lasted for 2 miserable years. They seemed long enough for me to think that they are going to get married some day. But i guess they did not. I asked them why? I got 2 answers. One was "because the feelings just faded away pansy. It didn't feel like the early days of our relationship anymore." The other answer was "there were too much differences, it's better we live our own lives." Only then, i stopped believing in happily ever afters.

It's just a feeling after all. Life comes without guarantees. Yes, some lucky people are gifted with this thing called "true love". I'm not saying they don't exist. They do. It's just that, I'm not going to believe in it unless it really happened to me. Which i doubt it, very much.(:

Anyways, read that book. It really is nice.(:
And those of you who are in love right now, please don't get offended by me. :D Who knows your love might be the next thing that made me believe in love again.

Hey you,
I miss you. My feelings just might be temporary but I'm sure while it lasts, i'll love you like no one ever did. If only you knew. Why? Because you fascinate me,If only you knew.(:
Love,
me.

And yes, i used the word love finally. Let's hope he knows.(:

till then,
pansy(:

Day three

2008-08-26T00:54:00.000-07:00

Yayyyy i pass chem :D Although i didn't *score* i'm glad i passed for a paper i thought i failed. Now my only worry is physics. :S

Anyways i just got back a essay i wrote about a month ago. I don't know why but i like the way i wrote it so i'm going to post it here.(:

My ideal future

An ideal future, to me, means the model future i would like to have but we do not usually get what we want in life. For this essay, I would like to forget that we do not get what we want and just focus on my imagination.

I would like to have a future without worries and anxieties.(Although i know it's not possible.) It is so hard worrying about the outcome of our own actions and also for what is to come tomorrow. Without worries, I can have a more carefree life. After getting a carefree life, I would like to live in a country where the weather is cool. I have been living in a hot, humid and tropical country my whole life, so for a change, living gin a cold country would be nice, especially for a girl like me who perspires even when i am not doing anything at all.

For the past two years, i have been living in SIngapre, away from my family, my friends and even the mango tress i planted, but most importantly i am far away from my home. If my future can be whatever i want it to be, i can imagine living with my family again. I do not want any new house or a huger castle or something grander, but just the house i left behind to follow my dreams. The house where i owned my first pet dog and most importantly, the place where i stated my breathing session which is commonly known to human begins as life.

My ideal future would include me turning my dreams to reality. I have always been interested in photography, music,poetry and basically any from of art. I would definitely want my career to involve one of my interest so that i can be happy and proud of what i do. I want to live my life according to my own rules and beliefs. I want my future to be in a world where peole understand and forgive each other. To add to that, i want my future to have people who actually listen when i talk.

Lastly, if only we can bring our past back to our future, I would like to do so. There were many moments, things, or even people that i want to hold on to but i did not. I do not really care about things,but there are certain people i would have never let go of if i ever had the chance again. In my ideal future, i would like to relive some of my past moments that i have truly learnt to cherish.

I do not wish for anything spectacular or grand, just to live an ordinary life with the people that i love most in the place call my home doing the things what i have learnt to cherish. That is the ideal future i would like to have. This does not mean i do not dream big. I do have gigantic ones, but even if they never came true, i am happy with who i was, who i have become and the person i will be.

There goes my essay. I didn't write it just for the sake of writing it, i wrote it because i want to.(:

After reading this again, I really have learn to cherish some people truly. If i had the chance again, i would have never let go of them. But i guess i cant.

Dear you,

you are one special person i will cherish.(:

love,
me.

till then,
pansy(:

migraines

2008-08-25T04:05:00.000-07:00

Didn't go to school today. I woke up though but had a terrible headache so drank medicine and slept again. Now feeling much better.

I don't have much so say. No,actually i do. It's just that they never come out right. And i think i'm getting that love disease. and i don't like it.

Days without you. huuuuuu~

till then,
pansy(:

Day two

2008-08-24T09:04:00.000-07:00

Dear you,
I just miss you, take care. (:
love,
me.

Say Bored?

2008-08-23T21:11:00.001-07:00

I Just need to save all my favorite quotes somewhere so that i can go back another time and look. Which would be a better place than my blog? It's gonna be one long post.:D

So here goes.(:

"Everyday, think as you wake up,
today I am fortunate to have woken up, I am alive,
I have a precious human life, I am not going to waste it.
I am going to use all my energies to develop myself,
to expand my heart out to others,
to achieve enlightenment for the benefit of all beings,
I am going to have kind thoughts towards others,
I am not going to get angry or think badly about others,
I am going to benefit others as much as I can."
-Dalai Lama

"Somehow it was as if I was being told about something wonderful, something
beautiful just waiting for me. All I had to do was wait long enough."

"You can reset it, and it heals, and you move on, but if you leave things messy, and things don't get put right, then it just hurts. forever."

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?"

"I have sometimes been wildly, despairingly,
acutely miserable, but through it all I still know
quite certainly that just to be alive is a grand thing."
-Agatha Christie

"I'd like to stay a secret, like walking in the dark.
If no one knows you, no one cares, so no one breaks your heart."

"Being lonely isn't the
worst feeling; it's
being forgotten by
someone you can never forget."

"My love for you grows, and it's starting to show.
Notice me please, I'm starting to get the love disease."

"i shouldn`t want you like this; yet i do, and i don`t know why."

"there`s no point in trying to talk to you. i`ve tried to have a conversation withh you.. but all that comes out is the empty feeling in my stomach & that makes me realize that you will never feel the same way about me, that i feel about you."

'You only get what you give away, so give love."
- Sara Bareilles

"I’m starting to crave new beginnings
brighter memories, and happy endings
I crave change."

"I believe the most difficult situation you can be ever be faced with is deciding whether you should just move on or hold on a little tighter. Move on, and maybe you'll lose a chance at the best thing that could have ever happened, or hold on, and have the possibility of one day being the biggest disaster ever created."

"Sometimes you meet someone,
and before you know their name,
before you know where their from,
you know that sometime in the future,
this person is going to mean something to you."

"What if the person you secretly loved,
tells you that he already found that special someone,
that he wants to spend forever with.
Would you be brave enought to ask him who it is?
Or bear the pain inside, not know it was you all along."

"Yes, she is fabulous and much more then
I will ever be, but shes fake. Cant you see, she loves
you for your looks,and I love you for your heart. Why won't you do the same for me?"

"its been days since i've seen you
hours since i've talked to you
minutes since i've heard your name
but yet, only a matter of seconds
since i've thought of you"

"& when I think about you I have to remind myself: if he wanted to talk to me, he would"

I'm quite hungry now so, bye bye.
till then,
pansy(:

Day one

2008-08-23T20:46:00.000-07:00

I just woke and watching "They kissed again". I couldn't fall asleep last night so watched movie until 6 in the morning and I slept. Enjoyable life again huh? lol

And what am i planning do to with my time today? Probably watch movie whole day, and sleep. :S
Maybe if i feel like it, a little revising on work won't hurt, since my finals are in 2months time.
hmmph, anyways i can tell today's going to be another boring day stuck in my living room.

Dear you,

I miss you.

Love,
me.

I got to get used to days without him. Even when he's here it's not like i see him everyday but at least i can talk to him. That's all i ask for.(:

anyways, gonna continue my movie. maybe i 'll blog later.

till then,
pansy(:

i'm gonna miss you

2008-08-22T10:33:00.000-07:00

Tired, and wants a long rest. I can barely open my eyes now, but I cant sleep either. Not a bad day, passed CA Emaths with very colourful colours and Amaths surprisingly passed since i assumed i failed. And guess what, I got higher marks than everyone except for one person. :s

Which is strange but in a good way i guess.

Finally I can see the slighest satisfaction in my *tsk tsk* teacher's eyes. Miracles do happen i guess.(:

Dear you,

I always say this and i'm gonna say it again, I'm going to miss you so much. It's not like i see you everydays anyways. The closet i get to you each day is through my computer screen and that's how far it's going to get i guess. Whatever, you're there, you talk to me, and i know you don't hate me so that's enough.

So long and be well. Enjoy and be safe.

Love,

me.

till then,

pansy

over

2008-08-21T05:08:00.000-07:00

Today was the last the of my exams. How happy can i get? Very happy. But tomorrow getting back the results already. arghh.

I'm tired and want to rest. I need a long rest. (:

You,
I'm gonna miss you so much. Please be back soon although i'm fine without you.(:

love,
me.

till then,
pansy(:

quotes post

2008-08-20T02:35:00.000-07:00

Favourite quotes post [:

"Maybe not everything is supposed to last forever. Certain things are like, like sky writing, like a really beautiful thing that lasts for a couple moments and then - you know?"

"I have always been a Laugher, disturbing people who are not laughers, upsetting whole audiences at theatres... I laugh, that's all. I love to laugh. Laugher to me is being alive. I have had rotten times, and I have laughed through them. Even in the midst of the very worst times I have laughed."

"We're all damaged in our own way.
nobody's perfect. i think we are all
somewhat screwy, every single one of us." (johnny depp)

Edward Cullen - vampire boy quotes i love :D

"I hope you enjoy disappointment."

"I always say too much when I’m talking to you — that’s one of the problems."

"What if I’m not a superhero? What if I’m the bad guy?"

"It makes me… anxious… to be away from you."

"You take everything so coolly — it’s unnatural. It makes me wonder what you’re really thinking."

"Trust me just this once — you are the opposite of ordinary."

"So you never met anyone you wanted?"

"I told you — you don’t see yourself clearly at all. You’re not like anyone I’ve ever known. You fascinate me."

"People are predictable. But you… you never do what I expect. You always take me by surprise."

"Yes, you are exactly my brand of heroin."

"And so the lion fell in love with the lamb…"

"I don’t know how to be close to you. I don’t know if I can."

"I was curious about you."

"If I could dream at all, it would be about you. And I’m not ashamed of it."

"For almost ninety years I’ve walked among my kind, and yours… all the time thinking I was complete in myself, not realizing what I was seeking. And not finding anything, because you weren’t alive yet."

"Shall I explain how you are tempting me?"

"I love you. It’s a poor excuse for what I’m doing, but it’s still true."

"It was impossible… to stop. Impossible. But I did. I must love you."

"I’m not going anywhere. I’ll be right here as long as you need me."

okay that's all for now. and some of these goes out to you. [:

till then,
pansy(:

one more day

2008-08-20T02:05:00.000-07:00

Hello Blog, I'm back again.[:

Tomorrow is my last day of exams. Which means after that i will be the happiest person on earth. But, next week, the un-happiest person, because i'm getting back my results. Oh well, i gave it my best, and if i failed, i'll learn from it.[:

Anyways, Charles and Erni is right beside me. Charles is sleeping on Erni's lap and i was quite irritated by them today. But all because of Charles picking up that dead lizard from my kitchen, i'm not kicking him out. :D
So yeah, quite enjoyable huh? :P

Hey you,

I just wanted you to know that i miss you. And i will be missing you for the next few weeks but i can manage without you. Afterall i was fine on my own too.(:

You know, I've never met someone like you. You're quiet and that attracts me. But sometimes, too quiet and that makes me very upset somehow. I hate it when you make me speechless and even more when you go speechless.

All the guys i've met so far, aren't like you. They never caused holes in my heart like you do when you go speechless. Hmmph, i wonder why. And i never had that much experience before. No boyfriends, no nothing. I've had crushes. Lots of them but i was never that hooked on them. But i am onto you. So much(:

You're different. I love your smile, i love the way you walk, the way you write, the way you say my name, the way you talk, the way you do the things you do and most of all the way you make me love you. Every bit about you. All the flaws and holes. I don't mind.(:

I'm happy the way things are but sometimes when you go all silent and ignore me, it hurts. It really does. I just wanted to let you know.

Love,
me.

till then,
pansy(:

Vampires

2008-08-16T10:44:00.000-07:00

And yet another obsession of mine. Eward Cullen the vampire from Twilight. Can't wait to see the movie and i'm definitely going to read all the books.

My obsessions change from time to time, but you, my soccer boy, will always be my everlasting obsession. :D

Not only you make me fall in love with you but you make me fall in love with every teeny tiny fact about you. And i don't mind. You're my vampire.(:

Oh well, going to continue having no life and youtube. lol

till then,
pansy(:

Bored Bored and Bored

2008-08-16T04:44:00.000-07:00

How boring can today get for me? I decided not to go out since my exams start on Monday. Cooked fish, watched Princess hours again, studied a little and watched Myo Gyee's music videos over and over again. :D

So for today, that was it, nothing very exciting.(:

Anyways, i was just browsing through some quotes and came across some very nice one that i like so i'm going to make this post all about it.(:
enjoy :D

"I still panic sometimes, forget to breathe, bu ti know that there's something beautiful in my imperfections."

"In vain have i struggled. It will not do. My feelings iwll not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently i admire and love you." - Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austin

"Hello darkness, my old friend. I've come to talk with you again"

"The most important and intimate word you can say to somebody is goodbye"

"Once you choose hope, anything's possible." - Christopher Reeves

"I took a deep breath and let it go"

"The more i look around and listen, i realize i'm not alone. We're all facing choices that defines us. We all at our own age, have to claim something, even if it's only our own confusion. I'm in the middle of growing up and into myself"

"Follow small miracles"

"The possibility of possibility"

"And there's a light inside us all, I know."

&&my favorite of today.(:

"Be brave enough to live creatively. The creative is the place no one else has ever been. You have to leave your city of comfort and go into the wilderness of your intuition. You cannot get there by bus, only by hard work, risking and not quite knowing what you're doing. What you will discover will be wonderful; yourself"

till then,
pansy(:

Memories of my past

2008-08-15T08:34:00.001-07:00

Today is a happy day. Why? Passed my Emaths with flying colours and i finally see his *haha :D*, as in him actually writing it and not me writing it just because i miss him. :)

See? how those simple little things can make my day so wonderful. It's all a matter of seeing the beauty in life.(:

Although the person i am now is the way i want it, I somehow miss the person i was back home. I miss my friends and those childhood times. I'm still young, but i miss those times when i was younger. I guess it works that way, we'll always have memories. Wether we like them or not. Me, i like memories, i do. I miss my friends back home i do. They probably think i don't but i do. They probably think i've forgotten abt them but i haven't. It's just i don't say it, oh well what can i do, memories are jsut memories. and what i have is the present. I'll just make the best out of it. For now, i just to focus on my exams next week. Other stuff set aside first.(:

And we can't always be happy but i will find my happiness somehow. We're all that we have. And nobody told me reality was easy so what i choose is what i get and i can accept that.

Till then,
pansy(:

Better and Worse

2008-08-14T06:38:00.000-07:00

Today i saw a video that was so very touching and even made me weeped a little. About 3 months ago there was a terrible cyclone/flood/disaster thing that happened back home. Then i couldn't contact my my family for several days. I was so worried because they were all that i have and without them I'm nothing. Soon i find out all my family members are fine so i was relieved. However, many families lost their everything. Kids without parents, parents without kids, and so on. It such a tragedy really. Never in my life, did i ever thought I'd meet such thing.

Most of us think that our lives suck and whine too much and care too little. I don't blame them, we're just human beings afterall. Me, myself can be like that at times too. But what we don't notice is that there will always be things better and worse than us. For instance, speaking from my kiddish experience, i have always been sad because i missed home. I miss home for all of the wonderful things back there. My family, those trees and everything i grew up with. Why do i feel sad? Because those times spent there can never be relived again. It can be, but only for a short while. It's such a sad thing we need to leave what we want to get what we need. In my case, a qualification of some sort to lead my life in the future, comfortably. Anyways, my point is, there's nothing much to be sad about my situation after all. I'm not the only one that has left home to reach a better place. No, there are so many others doing the same as me. And, if i miss them, i can call them, and see them occasionally. At least i get to know if they're okay. But those people who has lost everything from the cyclone, can't. How can they be just sitting around missing those people they lost when it's a fight for survival for themselves. Compared to them, I am definitely better off. (:

Everyday, they live in hope for every tomorrow. All those things that we want, they can't even think about it when the necessities are not even fulfilled. I had forgotten about the cyclone for a while, until i saw that video today. Lately, I've been feeling down due to several reasons. And again, compared to them i'm so much better off. I'm sad because of the things i want but cant get. Namely, those moments back home, those people i've lost and you of course. But I can still dream, i have hope and probably a future ahead of me. Those people, they don't. I guess we all have our own destinies after all. We can't change it, but we all can make the best out of it. How can that be achieved? Through helping hands. In one way or another we all should help and think about what will happen to us if we were ever in their position. Will we ever last till now? Who knows.

Lately, i've been trying to find reasons to make myself happy and to keep on having hope. A few days ago, i met a blind man with a guitar at the bus interchange. He has always been there, i just never payed attention to him. But that day, i did. As i walked pass him, a very beautiful melody started playing and later follows his beautiful voice. It suddenly made me stop walking and i listened to him finish the song. When the song was over, i realized it was just a beautiful melody afterall. Things don't always last, we just need to learn to cherish it while it does. We can't always be happy, we just need to go with the flow. If a blind man can see the beauty in life, why can't I? If those people can live through each and everyday to the fullest, why can't I? If they can go on living without the hope of seeing their loved ones again, why can't I? And if, they can take their destiny's cruelty, why cant i take it when you ignore me? At least, i still know you're there.(:

I feel so much better now.

Thanks you, for somehow letting me know about that video. It wasn't purposely meant for me, I know, but it helped.

Be happy,
me.

and till then,
pansy(:

why did you do this to me?

2008-08-13T09:51:00.000-07:00

You seem a little different. Did you find out about how i feel about you? or you just don't want to talk to me anymore? If you don't want to talk to me, just block me, it hurts too much seeing you there ignoring me.

Not a very bad day apart from the him ignoring me part. Well what can i say, we never get what we want. We're also not appreciated for all the good things we've done. I guess human beings are built that way, just to care about themselves and their loved ones. Maybe i am like that too sometimes, but i don't want to be. I'm just a human afterall(:

Why did you do this to me?
Why did you do this so easily?
You make it hard to smile because
You make it hard to breathe
Why do you do this to me?

I miss our little conversations and your *haha :D*. Be happy and hope everythig's fine with you.

With love,
me.

Exams coming up, study pansy study. :D
Good luck to me,

till then,
pansy(:

I hate this feeling

2008-08-12T01:06:00.000-07:00

Should i give up or should i just keep on chasing pavements that lead nowhere?

Erni and Kim are over at my place now. I just cooked for them and they seem to enjoy it. Now they're watching "Oh Su Jung Get Carl!". Since i've watched it, i'm here sitting beside them writing in my blog.(:

This post is dedicated to you(: &you just don't know.

I've known you for quite long now but we're not that close. Not too long ago, i've fallen for you. I fell deep this time. And i ask myself why? Why you? Why all of a sudden? We are fated as far as i know. My mom once said good things come at three. I meet you for two times by accident. The first time, you were just another person to me. The second time, you got me. I guess you don't know that. Although the conversations between you and me maybe short, they mean so much to me. (:

Looks don't really matter to me but you look more than okay for me. I'm in love with the way you write, the way you smile, the way you laugh, your voice and the way you make me feel. I've had many crushes before you, but what's so special about you? I don't know how to say but i just know it. As far as i know, you don't know about what i feel. It don't really matter if you know or not because, I just want to be near you in one way or another. I don't have to be your girlfriend or anything. I just want to be with you, because i love the way you make me feel. The happiness i get when you say something or i see your face, is just unconditional. Sometimes when i hear things about you that i don't want to, it upsets me but what the hell, i can talk to you, i can see you so i just try to be happy again. And guess what, you never fail to make me smile with all the little conversations we have.(:

I get nervous around you but you don't know. I say stupid things to you and you probably think i'm a freak. But i don't care, because I'm just trying to capture all the chances i have to be close to you. Sureeee, somethings i've said to you can be really stupid and all, but why do i keep talking to you agian and again? I don't know where i've been getting all the courage to talk to you so much. Trust me i never ever had the courage to approach to someone i like first.
You are the very first.(:

So please, even if you don't know or even if you think i'm a freak, just stay the way you are. It's fine with me. You probably have somebody you love or anything but i don't really care because i'm head over heels for you. There maybe times you won't talk to me, There might be a time one day when you get together with someone, but until then just let me be the stupid little girl who talks stupid things to you. I don't really care what i mean to you because i've learnt we cant force a person to like something or do something. But i don't mind if you feel the same way for me too. I wish you do, i really do.(:

Love you always,
Me.

Okayyy that was long. Kim keeps laughing and i don't know why. So im gonna go annoy him. :D

Till then,
pansy.

P.S. I miss you. are you irritated by me? please don't, you don't know what you mean to me. Although i love the way you make me feel, it's gets harder sometimes to be going through all this without you having the slightest clue that you are the one.

booo wammmm!!!

2008-08-11T10:46:00.000-07:00

I had to write this down or else, i'll blow up of embarressment. Earlier tonight i said something ot him but he ignored it for the very first time. So it just turned my whole word upside down. Yes he has that effect on me.(:

Then as i was writing something on my custom message "Today is the worst day of my life. You ignored me.:(", he talked to me. Arghhhh, did he know i was writing that to him'? Has he found out i like him? The thoughts blew up all the cells in me.

Dear you,

Please stop blowing up cells in me i really cant take it.(:

Love you always,
me.

I should probably sleep now.

till then,
pansy(:

My last goodbye

2008-08-10T21:07:00.000-07:00

My friends usually get confused between these 2 guys in my life. Even i do sometimes but i sure know what's the truth. To clear my head, my mind, and soul let me write this down in words cause' they will never come out of my mouth.Anyways, something is better than nothing aint it?

Well, one of the guy i've been mentioning about is the person i'm in "like" with.(: I don't like to use the word "love" that's all. The other person was just my friend whom i miss so much for i have lost him. He's very much alive but i guess he don't want me anymore.(:

But it sucks that these 2 person know each other. It's harder, you have no idea. If only things went the other way. Arghhh, i'm gonna stop i cant take it anymore.

This song is dedicated to my one and only misfit kid(i just like to call im that.(:)

this is only a part of the song by Marie Digby - Stupid for you

The proper thing to do

Is for me to act like a lady

and wait For you to make the first move

But I don't think you're getting the point

That it's you - that I want

I don't care if I act a fool

till then,

pansy(:

everything's a mess.

2008-08-08T19:15:00.000-07:00

I never knew perfection til
I heard you speak, and now it kills me
Just to hear you say the simple things
Now waking up is hard to do
And sleeping is impossible too
Everything is reminding me of you
What can I do?

That's a verse from "better that we break - maroon 5". I don't know why but i've been listening to that song a lot lately. I think i know why but i don't like talking about it so yeah, let it be.(:

Other than that, it's finally Saturday and i can sleep all i want. It has been such a tiring week. Being the in charge for the ceremony yesterday at school. It all turned out well and i was glad. But as you know, who gets the credits? The main cast, not the background people like me.(:

For all of them to act so comfortably, me, run up the stairs at least 15 times a day. Getting all the props and costumes. I don't want to complain so i'm going to stop here.

I dont feel like blogging right now, so maybe later on i will. I have so much to say. Things i cant risk saying out loud in the sake of annoying people. So that's why i made this blog, to let out whatever's inside, Just to make me feel better.(:

till then,

pansy

Sleepless nights

2008-08-01T12:29:00.000-07:00

Had a very tiring day today. Met up with Gu Gue finally, and i managed to stay without going online for 5 days. Which meant i didnt see him for 5 days. But it's okay, as long as he's there, i'm happy. I don't really expect anything because we never get what we want actually. That has been proven to me so many times. People misunderstand each other and we try to figure out what the other person's thinking but we can't. And, we never will.

Now it 3:33AM, according to my watch. And again, i should be sleeping because i'll be waking up agian in about 4 hours. No school, but have to follow Gu Gue's school to help her carry those "stuff". I'm going to sleep after writing this actually. Just wrote a poem sorta thing earlier this week since i was so bored at school. Like i had nothing to do.

So here it is, (:

If, all the words came out right

If, we never let our loved ones out of sight

If, there were no sleepless nights

I'm sure, Happiness will be closer.

If, all the hatred would end

If,we all share a helping hand

If, all broken hearts would mend

I'm sure, Happiness would be closer.

If, there were no worries

If, there were no wars

If, we only knew how to love

I'm sure, Happiness would be closer.

till then,

pansy[=

sleepless nights

2008-07-26T11:28:00.001-07:00

I miss you so much Chit Su. =[

Now it's 2:30AM and i can tell i won't be falling alseep real soon. Everyone's asleep and i got nothing to do so i'll just continue blogging. :)

This post's not going to be long. Trust me. =]

I just miss home and the time i spent with my mom,dad,thone,chit su,mabe,ma zar, my lil nieces, my aunts and yes my annoying lil brother.(:

I don't know how to say this but, I'm in like with somebody right now. But i guess he'll never know unless i tell him and it seems impossible. haha, well i'm just happy to see him come online and go offline and casually see him in person from time to time. And boy, when i see him my heart sure skips a beat. (:

Dear you,

You don't know but you make me go la la, and you are very special to me. Be happy you.(:

Love,

me =]

I feel so bored right now, gonna go youtube.(: